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A tribute to my siblings

I am the oldest of four. My brother, Aaron, is two years and two months younger than me, and my other brother, Mark, is five years and two months younger. My only sister, Mariah, is eight years and 10 months younger than me. 

My relationships with each of them have ebbed and flowed over time. I love them all so much, and wish to share my strongest memories and feelings about each of them. 

Aaron 

When we were little, Aaron and I were best buds. We colored out of the same coloring books at the same time. Sometimes we did coloring and drawing competitions. Most of the time we didn't cheat by tracing, but sometimes we did. 

Aaron went through a phase where he drew countless pictures of Jafar from Aladdin.

We sang Disney songs together in the fan, to make our voices vibrate. He played paper dolls and barbies with me, and I played trucks and Ninja Turtles with him. He would wake me up early on Saturdays to watch all of our super hero cartoons. We also watched tons of movies, mostly Disney (his favorite was The Little Mermaid and my favorite was Lady and the Tramp). 

It wasn't all roses, though. We had arguments over whether long noodles were called "spaghetti" or "basghetti."

Sometimes I would blame him for things I did (my parents always assumed it was Aaron, anyway). Once, I was in my parents' room and I saw a dark pink jar. I turned the lid to open it, and I accidentally spilled out this strong-smelling liquid (I found out later it was used to clean jewelry). I quickly got my mom's towel from the bathroom, and sopped it up. My mom always had a long doily thing on her dresser then, so I know it got soaked. I think I left it there. My dad questioned us that day. When he asked me if I did it, I denied it, looking down at my food. When he asked Aaron, he said "I don't know. It's possible I did it." I think he ended up with the blame, but didn't get in trouble. Yep, I was a good sister. 

As we got older, and I bloomed into adolescence, Aaron and I seemed to fight more than get along. At an age where I locked my door to get some peace, he took that opportunity to be as annoying as possible. He would stand outside my door and start making this weird clicking sound with his tongue, making it louder and louder (we called it the "tongue thing"). Then, he would stick his thumbnail into my lock, and slowly unlock the door, all the while making that maddening sound. I would scream, run to my door, and press all my weight into it so he couldn't get in. I would prop my feet up on the wall in front of my door, even, just to keep him out. Sometimes, he would employ the help of our little brother, Mark. I couldn't win then, not even with propped feet. 

That is the face of an annoying brother for sure. 

Aaron would also be annoying at the dinner table. I remember one night, while we were reading scriptures after dinner, he made me so mad. Every time he read a sentence, he would sniff, loudly. Like EVERY SINGLE TIME. I wanted to smack him. I tattled on him, but my parents were completely unaware of how he was trying to ruin my life. 

I am still not done. We had three couches in our family room, and two of them were good for TV watching. Well, Aaron would always sit on the same couch as me. He would perch so that his butt would be up in the air, facing me. He did it on purpose to aggravate me. I hated it when he taunted me with that heart-shaped bottom. I would always lift my leg up high, and bring my heel down hard on his butt. He would just laugh, which drove me even more crazy. 

As he became an adolescent, all this annoying stuff died down. I wish I could remember a lot about our relationship, but really, I just remember that I put him down sometimes because I was jealous. At one point, a girl at church really liked him, and I was upset because I didn't have anyone who really liked me. I remember telling him that she flirted with other boys, and he shouldn't go out with her. I wasn't always sensitive to my brother's feelings, and I regret it now.

Even though I wasn't always a good sister to him, and he was kind of annoying, he was always a great friend to others, hilarious, loving, and a very talented pianist. 

Aaron and I didn't see each other much for the years after I graduated high school. It wasn't until a few years ago, that we started to reconnect, and even then, he had times when he lived other places. He is about to go to Peabody Conservatory in a few short months. 

I am really going to miss him. He is so intelligent, funny, loving, sensitive, talented, humble, among many other things. He is the best uncle in the world to my children. They love him so much. He is so much still like a kid himself, so he is so much fun. I can always have a great conversation with him too. 

Thanks for being my brother. I love you.

Mark

You already know that Mark would help Aaron unlock my door. 

When he became a toddler, after his cute baby stage, he became our annoying younger brother. Aaron and I would try to play, and Mark would want to play too. Didn't he realize he was in the way?

Once, we were all lying on the floor playing, and I thought it would be fun to take my gum out of my mouth and slowly string it onto Mark's hair. Oops, I couldn't get it out. In a panic, I got some scissors, and cut the gum out. Later, my mom was worried, thinking Mark had a bald spot. I felt guilty and told her the truth. I learned that day that peanut butter will get out gum. I am sure I got in trouble, too.

Mark was a cute little boy. He was really chubby, with kind of buck teeth. He always wore huge t-shirts to bed without shorts. I remember he would sit in chairs and we could see his underwear. Aaron and I would giggle about it. Once, I drew him in my "journal" (Aaron and I had composition books we drew in). 

When he got older, he and Aaron played all the time. They had separate rooms, but ended up sharing because Mark always wanted to be with Aaron.I think when Mark and Aaron became close, was around the time Aaron started to be annoying to me. 

I don't remember having a really close relationship with Mark. He was so quiet, and always to himself. He drew a lot. He was really talented. I, unfortunately, don't remember having much in common with him.

However, when he got old enough to really play without being in the way, he would join Aaron and me in our puzzle building, gameboard playing, cartoon watching, make-believing, and trampoline jumping.

As a teenager, I was really busy with homework, drama club, and, as Mark recently reminded me, singing musicals in my room (mostly Phantom). I am sure that is why I didn't have a strong relationship with Aaron or Mark during those years. 

Then I went to college. When I came home, Mark was still in high school, and I had a little boy.  I remember thinking Casey looked like Mark when he was little. It was nice to have Mark around. He was good at holding Casey for me. 

He even drew a portrait of Casey as a baby for his a high school art class. That was awesome. I still have the portrait. 

 

Mark and I have had a few good talks in our adult years, though he isn't much of a talker. I remember one time he told me how much he admired me and how I lived my life. I will never forget that, and I appreciate it so.

Now Mark is married to a lovely Brit named Laura. I helped Laura find her wedding dress. I set up my house for their wedding, and even made their wedding cake with Swedish fish. 

Mark and I have more in common, now - more to talk about. We also both have love for cooking, and have made yummy things together.

 I am so grateful that he made the decision to marry Laura, and that he has stuck with her through hard times. I have very high hopes for the both of them in their continuing life together. 

He continues to be a fabulous artist, a quality I admire greatly. I keep hoping he will get back into it, and bless others with his God-given gift. 

Mark, I am so glad you are my brother. I love you. 

Mariah

I was much older than Mariah, so I helped out with her a lot when she was little. She was the cutest Easter baby ever, and the chunkiest. No, really, the chunkiest. Think Michelin man. 

When she was a newborn, my mom wouldn't let me hold her unless I was sitting down. I remember not liking that. I wanted to do what my mom did. I loved having a baby sister. 

When she was about two, Mariah was terrified of the vacuum cleaner. Every time my mom vacuumed, I held her in my arms until it was over. I cherished those moments as her protector. 

I remember fondly how she used to say "hunder" instead of thunder, and "marshfellow" instead of marshmallow.

I remember watching Barney and Blue's Clues with her all the time.

She was so adorable, and so sweet. She was still pretty young when I went off to college. She was not even 10. 

After college, my divorce, and my move to North Carolina, Mariah was at the agreeable age of 13. She was huge into jewelry. She had some cute clothes, some I even borrowed. I let her borrow some of my clothes too, like a dress for her career day at school. 

I found a lot of her passions annoying - well, maybe one passion - a boy who didn't treat her well that she was madly in love with. 

Mariah and I have butted heads many times since I have lived in NC. We are so different.Those of you who know us, know what I am talking about. 

I used to make the mistake of acting more like her mother than her sister. She hated that, and resented me for it. I have worked really hard to change that - to be a loving, supportive sister who offers a listening ear and genuine advice, minus the judgment. 

We have been much closer the past couple years she has been out of high school. Mariah is a wonderful person. I am so proud of the young woman she has become. She and I are still very different, but we share the ultimate goal of having a loyal marriage and raising happy children.

I admire her love for animals, her desire to make a difference in this world, her acceptance of everyone, and her giving nature. She is a hard worker. She also is a fantastic aunt. She spoils her nephews, and loves them to death. 

I love you, Mariah. Sisters forever!

The Thacker Kids

Mandy, Aaron, Mark and Mariah. We are the Thacker kids. We grew up in VA, and now are all together (for a little longer) in NC. 

We are a passionate, stubborn, hard-headed, slightly crazy, bunch. We love good food, and loud laughs. We are full of love for our family. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for raising us. You did a great job!

This is how we do it.

I took the boys to the library last Monday night. I don’t usually look forward to it because Kamren always opens the elevator, he and Rigel try to run upstairs, and one or both run in the aisles. When in line to check out, Rigel was trying to touch the big screen. I asked him to stop, and went to get him when he didn’t. I then heard a voice call my name, “Amanda.” I looked up to the other young man working. He asked: “How do you do it? How do you raise three boys?”

I answered that they love each other very much and are usually good boys. I chuckled as I told him that they bring me much more joy than pain.

As I walked to the car, I felt that I needed to give this young man a better answer, and I thought about it all evening. As I started to pay more attention and take notes, I was shocked at how much thought and work goes into raising kids. After over a week of pondering, here is “how I do it:”

Make the most of my time.

I speed walk around the house, doing everything as quickly as I can before the kids start fighting or something gets broken. On my way to do a task, I pick up toys and books from off the floor.

I also multitask all the time, often using one arm to do one thing, and the other to hold a child. I help Casey with his homework while starting dinner and cleaning the kitchen, or make a phone call to an insurance company while playing outside with my kids. If I put something in the microwave, you better believe I am using that minute to wash a few dishes. When there are groceries to bring in the house, I use all my strength to make only one trip. 

Daddy multitasks too when he needs to. 

Make the most of nap time.

There are a lot of things that can’t be done well when the kids are awake. During these couple hours, I usually pick up the really messy things as quickly as possible, and then spend the rest of the time doing things that I need or want to do – church responsibilities, reading, shopping online, talking to friends, planning, and blogging. You would think I would nap during nap time…

Get some me time.

This helps rebuild my sanity, and also helps me miss my kids. I am with them most of the time, but when my husband is home, sometimes I go work out, go to a church activity, or go to the movies with friends. Sometimes, we get a babysitter, and go somewhere fun together!

Deal with daily destruction.

Boys are really rough and crazy. They are constantly jumping off things, pretending to fight with “swords”, throwing things, and tumbling around.

Every week something in my home gets messed up. We try to learn from every destructive act by putting something up higher, locking more doors, listening for when it is “too quiet,” or buying more durable or less expensive stuff. 

My house is also a little greasy, and I have to be okay with the fact that I can’t keep it spotless. We often find dried up food on door knobs or the wall. There are always crumbs on the floor and smeared food on the couch. We just clean it up as we see it and move on. The kids will probably always have stains on their clothing, or messy hair.

Making a mess often makes the kids so happy, so sometimes we sit back and let them do it (or help them in the process). Seeing them make memories and have fun is more important than avoiding a mess.

Do a lot of physical activity.

My boys love to have piggy back rides, play “run from mommy,” pretend to be super heroes on the trampoline, and spin around so much, everyone falls down in dizziness. They want to run, and run fast. They want to be outside all the time. I have to somehow find the energy to do all this physical activity. Luckily, I have their dad, who can take on that role a lot of the time.

Do activities together.

I want my boys to be best friends. My husband and I really think hard as to what toys to have inside and outside, and what special things we can do that all of the boys will enjoy, at their very different ages. We also encourage them to play together, to hug each other, and to help each other.

Going places as a family helps us make fun memories, and learn more about each other’s interests. It also helps decrease boredom and irritability to have something to look forward to. The kids always enjoy going to the children’s museum, the library, the playground, the park, and play dates. Sometimes we take them out to eat, to a movie, or on a trip.

Be flexible.

Things aren’t always going to go according to plan. Kids can get sick or hurt. The weather might change. Someone might cancel a playdate, or an activity might be postponed. It is important for me to stay positive and flexible, so I can help my children do that too.

Be silly!

When I am having fun, being silly, and laughing with the children, they enjoy life even more. The house is lit up in joy. We do a lot of tickling, and making goofy faces and funny sounds. Much giggling ensues.

Show love and attention to each child.

Our boys have very different needs and personalities, so they all need individual attention. They want to show me what is important to them. I need to make sure I focus and show them I care. 

They also communicate in different ways. Kamren barely talks, so I have had to learn how to decipher him. I often tell him to “show me,” and he takes my hand.

All of my boys really treasure affection. It could be by cuddling, giving hugs and kisses, playing with them, or saying “I love you." It is so important that they feel equally loved. 



When they are in bad moods, it is usually because they need attention, so I give extra hugs, talk to them, or tell them I love them.

Praise and reward them.

My boys need to see their mother as their biggest fan. I congratulate them on their hard work, hang up their drawings, attend my oldest’s award ceremonies and performances, reward my oldest when he does well on a report card or gets an award, and do lots of high fives and fist bumps when they cooperate, do something nice, or learn to do something new.   

Celebrate special occasions and have family traditions.

We make every child’s birthday special. We do a special meal and cake. We usually have family over, but also sometimes do parties. We also do special things for all other major holidays. They are definitely times to look forward to.

We have some fun traditions too, like whenever we make pizza or get a fun snack, we eat it picnic style while watching a movie. Every Sunday, we eat dinner with our extended family, and when the weather is good, we take walks together.

Capture adorable moments.

We always need reminders of how much we love and cherish our children. I feel it the most during those quiet moments when they are reading together, watching a movie together, or sleeping. This is when they appear the most angelic. I treasure the pictures I take and the stories I write about my three boys.

Teach them constantly.

I do my best to answer their questions. I read them a lot of books. I point things out, and explain things when I see teachable moments. I help Casey with his homework daily.

Jad and I also teach by letting the kids help us cook, fix things, fold laundry, vacuum, and garden. We share our talents and hobbies with them to build connections, and expand their capabilities. For example, I teach Casey piano, and Jad teaches the children Arabic.

If one of the kids is trying to do something, but struggling, I don’t just take over. I give them some time to try again before I help. Often, they teach themselves.

Manners are also something we constantly teach. I don’t know what it is about boys, but they think all kinds of bodily functions are funny. I try to teach my boys to say “excuse me” when they burp, etc. I also remind them to say “please (Kamren gives me a kiss instead),” “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” and “yes, ma’am/sir.”

Oh, and don't lick Daddy's hair.

Give them responsibilities.

I want my children to be self-reliant and learn the value of work. My oldest has the most responsibilities because he knows how to do the most. However, the little ones know they need to clean up their toys, put their dishes in the sink, and put their leftover drinks in the refrigerator. We sing the “clean up” song a lot in our house.

Be strict and enforce the rules.

My kids need to know who is boss. Having a lot of rules helps discipline them, and enforcing the rules helps them learn the value of obedience and respect. “Yes, you are always going to wash your hands after using the bathroom or eating.” “No, you are not going to play and run around until after you have eaten all your food.” “You can’t play with your friends if your room and bathroom are disgusting.”

There are so many rules the kids, especially my little ones, ignore. My husband and I have to follow them and make sure they are following the rules, and if they aren’t, we have to redirect them. If my oldest breaks a rule on purpose, there are consequences.  

When they hurt each other, we always make sure they apologize and give each other hugs.

Provide for their temporal needs.

My husband and I make sure our children are fed, clothed, rested, bathed, warm, socialized, and happy. This includes in the home and outside it (got to keep the diaper bag well-stocked). As they get older, we help them learn how to do these things themselves, but we are always focused on their well-being. Most of the time, we make sure their needs are taken care of before our own.

 Keep them safe.

There is a lot of looking around, holding of hands, calling of names, yelling to stop, and running to catch up in my mom life. Kids do not understand how dangerous the world is, so my husband and I are constantly teaching them about looking both ways before crossing the street, wearing seatbelts, staying close to mom and dad at all times, not touching certain things, etc.

  

Run errands with them, even though they are crazy.

I always kind of dread going to the store, the library, or anywhere the kids need to reigned in and quiet. The opposite always happens. I could just wait until my husband is home to run all the errands, but time with him is limited. I want our family to have fun when Daddy is home, not worry about all the things we have to do.

Don’t worry about what everyone else is thinking, but just do my best.

People are going to judge me for having three kids, and for going out in public with them. They are going to judge my parenting by how my children behave. It is very important for my self-esteem, my sanity, my productivity, and my relationship with my children, to not care what other people think.

Even without thinking of what others are thinking, I can sometimes be hard on myself when I can’t keep the house clean, stay patient, or have the time or energy to accomplish all my tasks. I try to remember to just do my best based on my capacity for that day, and then strive to be a little better the next day. My children know I love them. With faith and hard work, I know I can endure all the hardships of parenting.  

Ask for advice.

There is no instruction manual for moms. It is really hard to know what to do in every situation that comes up. I ask for help from other moms who have gone through things I go through. Often, I get really good advice on how to help my kids, and even how to be a better mom.

Be united with Daddy.

It is so important for my husband and I to be united in rule-making, disciplining, traditions, and in all other aspects of raising our children. Children need a safe haven. If Mommy and Daddy show love for each other, they will know they are safe. They will feel loved, and want to be at home.

Keep God in our home.

We sing a lot of children’s hymns in our house. We also read the scriptures every night, and pray as a family often. We have pictures of Jesus around the house, and talk about how He loves us. We do family nights where we talk about how to be better children of God.  Our sweet kids find comfort in these routines, even if they don’t always seem to be paying attention. Love is stronger in our home as we make God a big part of it.

Pray a lot.

My husband and I aren’t perfect parents. We really struggle with stress, lack of sleep, and concerns about our children’s behavior and happiness. We pray constantly for patience, for guidance on how to better teach and show love to our children, and for the well-being and safety of our family.  

I don’t parent my children alone. My husband, God, and I raise them together. That is how we raise three boys.