Pornography: I say it. I talk about it. You should too.

Once upon a time, there was a young woman who went out to college. She met a young man. Though she for a long time only saw him as a friend, her feelings finally turned into something more and they fell in love. 

They had many conversations about their pasts. He told her that he used to have a pornography addiction but he was over it. She believed him. 

He visited her over the summer after that semester and asked her to marry him. She said yes. 

One night, after she was back at school, he told her he had viewed pornographic images once during their engagement, while she was away for the summer.

This was very hard for her, and she considered breaking off the engagement. But she ultimately decided she loved him and still wanted to marry him. They got married.



Married life was good sometimes, and other times really hard. He often did not treat her with love and respect. He once told her he loved himself more than her. They had good times too, though, and during one of these good times, the young couple chose to have a baby. They had a baby boy.

Having a baby did not heal their marriage woes. The marriage continued to decline. She finally found out that he had gotten back into pornography. That explained his declining grades, his secretiveness, his temper, their lack of intimacy.

She was angry and heartbroken. She quickly realized, though, that even though her love for her husband was gone, she did not want to sever the relationship. For her child, she was willing to work hard to fix her marriage. They counseled with the bishop of their congregation. The young man started a 12-step addiction recovery program.

There seemed to be some hope, but it soon faltered. He decided overcoming his addiction was too hard. His family was not worth all that trouble. He asked for a divorce. She obliged, but it was the hardest thing she had ever had to do in her life. 

After college graduation, she and her son left him. They moved far away.

And they lived happily ever after?

Well, after years of self-esteem issues, guilt over leaving her son in daycare, and feelings of ostracism for being young and divorced with a child, she finally found happiness again. She is happier than ever. 

His life has not changed for the better. 

*******

This story is not one that any of us would want to write into our histories, nor into the histories of our children. However, because this is a true story, and there are so many others like it, it is important to explore how this story could have been written very differently. 

The first thing that is important for us to consider is that a pornography addiction can happen to anyone regardless of age, sex, religion, or marital status. In the story, he was the one with an addiction, but it could have just as easily have been her. 

Because age is not a factor in whether or not someone will develop a pornography addiction, we need to start teaching our children about pornography from a young age. 

Before we can tell our kids about pornography, we need to tell them about passions and feelings. 

Sister Linda Reeves, the 2nd Counselor in the General Relief Society presidency in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS church) explained, “One reason we are here on earth is to learn to manage the passions and feelings of our mortal bodies. These God-given feelings help us want to marry and have children. The intimate marriage relationship between a man and a woman that brings children into mortality is also meant to be a beautiful, loving experience that binds together two devoted hearts, unites both spirit and body, and brings a fulness of joy and happiness as we learn to put each other first."



These same feelings aroused outside of marriage, however, are not characterized as love, but rather lust. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in the LDS church spoke of the different between love and lust:

“Why is lust such a deadly sin? Well, in addition to the completely Spirit-destroying impact it has upon our souls, I think it is a sin because it defiles the highest and holiest relationship God gives us in mortality—the love that a man and a woman have for each other and the desire that couple has to bring children into a family intended to be forever. Someone said once that true love must include the idea of permanence. True love endures. But lust changes as quickly as it can turn a pornographic page or glance at yet another potential object for gratification walking by, male or female. True love we are absolutely giddy about… But lust is characterized by shame and stealth and is almost pathologically clandestine—the later and darker the hour the better, with a double-bolted door just in case. Love makes us instinctively reach out to God and other people. Lust, on the other hand, is anything but godly and celebrates self-indulgence. Love comes with open hands and open heart; lust comes with only an open appetite.”

Now that our kids know that participating in pornography is a poison to true love, we need to now tell them what pornography actually is. According to the Miriam-Webster dictionary it is movies, pictures, magazines, etc., that show or describe naked people or sex in a very open and direct way in order to cause sexual excitement. 

As I ponder the "etc." in the definition, I think of books (think romance novels, for example), TV shows, music, music videos, video games, photo advertisements, and sometimes even products. Anything created to induce sexual excitement can be considered pornography. It doesn't have to be Playboys, movies from adult video stores, and naked images from porn websites. As long as the materials arouse a person sexually, they are considered pornography. Explicit nudity is not a prerequisite.

Some might might call this a difference of "hard porn" and "soft porn." Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle in the LDS church, said, "Some seek to justify their indulgence by arguing that they are only viewing “soft,” not “hard,” porn. A wise bishop called this refusing to see evil as evil. He quoted men seeking to justify their viewing choices by comparisons such as “not as bad as” or “only one bad scene.” But the test of what is evil is not its degree but its effect. When persons entertain evil thoughts long enough for the Spirit to withdraw, they lose their spiritual protection and they are subject to the power and direction of the evil one. When they use Internet or other pornography for what this bishop described as “arousal on demand” (letter of Mar. 13, 2005), they are deeply soiled by sin."

In this quote, we see some of the dangers from pornography: loss of the Spirit and subjection to the Devil's power. 

Sister Reeves explained how important it is to talk to our kids about these dangers: “We as parents and leaders need to counsel with our children and youth on an ongoing basis, listening with love and understanding. They need to know the dangers of pornography and how it overtakes lives, causing loss of the Spirit, distorted feelings, deceit, damaged relationships, loss of self-control, and nearly total consumption of time, thought, and energy.”

It is so important that our conversations with our kids are ongoing, and even go beyond the damaging effects of pornography.

Jeffrey J. Ford, MS, a marriage and family therapist in St. George, UT, advised to have many conversations with our kids about pornography to clarify our values, let our kids express opinions, instill truths about sexuality, and answer our kids' questions. We should also discuss the "what if" scenarios with our kids so they know what to do if a friend tries to show them a dirty magazine, or if a teacher starts showing an inappropriate movie, etc. This way, if they do come in contact with pornography, they have already made the decision of how to get away from it. Dr. Ford stresses that kids need a safe place to talk about porn, and that should be in the home. 

The Utah Coalition Against Pornography encourages us to tell our kids about our experiences with pornography. This way they can see that we also have struggles, and have empathy for theirs. We should encourage our kids to tell us within 10 minutes if they have had contact with pornography, and then praise them when they do.

My friend let me borrow a CD of a sermon her pastor had given a few years back about sex and pornography. Several of his points were excellent. He said that we need to be the ones to tell our kids about sex and their bodies. (You may need to have the same conversations more than once and with varying detail - my son already forgot what sex is and I told him less than four months ago.) If you tell them about everything, they won't feel the need to look up this information and, as a result, come in contact with pornography. We should always tell our kids the truth when they ask us, and look for teachable moments. Talking about pornography can be a little embarrassing, but we should remember it is the Devil who does not want us to talk about it. "Silence is a reckless option." Our kids can only make good sexual choices if they know what they are. 

As a young kid, maybe 10, I was exposed to pornography. A friend of mine showed me a copy of one of her father's Playboy magazines while her mother was running an errand. On another occasion, she closed us up in one of the rooms of her house and showed me, on mute, parts of a pornographic movie. I never told my parents about it, probably because our family did not ever sit together and talk about pornography, how it is wrong, and what to do if you see it. As mentioned, it can be embarrassing to talk about pornography, but it must be done to protect our children, and to help them know how to react when porn comes into their grasp.

I just had a conversation about pornography with my 9-year-old son on Sunday. I told him about the feelings and about what pornography is. At that age, he doesn't really understand. However, he does understand our bodies are temples, that we are created in the image of God, and that bodies should be viewed and treated with such respect. He does know what to do if he sees naked images. He knows what to do if he hears a song that makes him uncomfortable. I also gave him the advice that if friends at school whisper for him to come look at something, he probably wouldn't want to go over there. Any time a kid feels the need to be secretive about something, most likely he/she is breaking a rule.

In our counsels with our children about pornography, we should decide what our media standards are going to be and why. These media standards should be kept by all members of the family. If you wouldn't want your kid looking at it, reading it, or listening to it, then it most likely should not be in the house at all. Don't think they won't find it. Kids snoop around when you aren't home. They find the romance novels and the dirty magazines. 

Even with standards, we need to safeguard further by keeping our TVs and computers in common areas, as well as installing parental controls for our computers, TVs, and handheld devices, such as cell phones and tablets. (Sister Reeves mentioned that most kids get involved with porn through these handheld electronics.) This way members of the family will not accidentally, or be tempted to purposely, partake in pornography. 

A couple good free internet filters are k9webprotection.com and opendns.com. For cell phones, you can install parental controls that can even disable the internet and texting, if you like. I recently downloaded Kids Place on my phone, and it has many options for safeguarding kids from inappropriate content.

Social media is also a place where pornography is rampant. It would be beneficial for us to be friends with our kids on Facebook, Instagram, etc., to monitor what they are posting and liking.

These filters are great at helping prevent the viewing, listening, and reading of pornography, but Sister Reeves has an even better filter option:  “...The greatest filter in the world, the only one that will ultimately work, is the personal internal filter that comes from a deep and abiding testimony of our Heavenly Father’s love and our Savior’s atoning sacrifice for each one of us."

Elder David A. Bednar, an apostle for the LDS church, said, "Such testimony fortifies faith and provides direction. Such testimony generates light in a world that grows increasingly dark. Such testimony is the source of an eternal perspective and of enduring peace…"

Once Sister Reeves and her husband were praying because they were overwhelmed with their young children and all their other responsibilities. The answer to their prayer was, “It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”

These spiritual filters - testimony, scripture study, prayer and Family Home Evening, bring an abundance of the Holy Spirit into the home, and can be a protection from the temptation of the Devil.

Sister Reeves also spoke of the protection that can come from many other worthy practices:

1. Doing family history work and attending the temple

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, in regards to participating in family history and temple work, “I can think of no greater protection from the influence of the adversary in your life” (“The Joy of Redeeming the Dead,”Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2012, 94).

2. Following the prophet

President Wilford Woodruff stated: “I say to Israel, the Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as president of the Church to lead you astray. It is not in the program. It is not in the mind of God.” (The Discourses of Wilford Woodruff, pp. 212–13.)

3. Prayerfully studying the Book of Mormon

Elder Boyd K Packer said, “The scriptures hold the keys to spiritual protection. They contain the doctrine and laws and ordinances that will bring each child of God to a testimony of Jesus Christ as the Savior and Redeemer." (The Key to Spiritual Protection October 2013)

It is the job of the parents to explain the sacred feelings given to us to use in our marriages, explain what pornography is and its dangers, set up regular times to discuss pornography with our kids, set family standards, install parental controls, and finally, make our homes safe havens by the spiritual deeds performed there. 

Once we have done this, it is in our children's hands to make the right choices. We have set the example and taught them the right way.We have to remember that they will be in other people's homes. They will be around other people with different values at school and work. We can't protect them from everything.

For example, I used to babysit my cousins some nights while their parents were out. Their TV did not have parental controls. Once I was flipping through the channels and came across a very sexually charged movie. I was curious, the heat rose within me, and I secretly watched much of it. It was the wrong choice. I should have known better.

Sister Reeves admonished, "Youth, take responsibility for your own spiritual well-being. Turn off your phone if necessary, sing a Primary song, pray for help, think of a scripture, walk out of a movie, picture the Savior, take the sacrament worthily, study For the Strength of Youth, be an example to your friends, confide in a parent, go see your bishop, ask for help, and seek professional counseling, if needed."

A person's spiritual well-being relies on so much more than not participating in pornography. The standards must be much higher. 

Sister Reeves mentioned the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, a guidebook on how youth (and all of us) should live our lives to be like Christ and return to Him. One of the standards in this book is Entertainment and Media. 

It says: Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable. Have the courage to walk out of a movie, change your music, or turn off a computer, television, or mobile device if what you see or hear drives away the Spirit. 

I also love the counsel given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in the LDS church:

1. "Above all, start by separating yourself from people, materials, and circumstances that will harm you."

2. "Along with filters on computers and a lock on affections, remember that the only real control in life is self-control. If a TV show is indecent, turn it off. If a movie is crude, walk out. If an improper relationship is developing, sever it. Many of these influences, at least initially, may not technically be evil, but they can blunt our judgment, dull our spirituality, and lead to something that could be evil."

3. "Like thieves in the night, unwelcome thoughts can and do seek entrance to our minds…Replace lewd thoughts with hopeful images and joyful memories; picture the faces of those who love you and would be shattered if you let them down."

4. "Cultivate and be where the Spirit of the Lord is. Make sure that includes your own home or apartment, dictating the kind of art, music, and literature you keep there. If you are endowed, go to the temple as often as your circumstances allow. And when you leave the temple, remember the symbols you take with you, never to be set aside or forgotten."

Parents lead the way, and then the children make their own choices. There will be times, though, when despite all the good direction you have given your kids, that they may still develop an addiction to pornography at some point in their lives. 

Sister Reeves gave humbling counsel: “We would be wise not to react with shock, anger, or rejection, which may cause them to be silent again.”

The natural reaction to finding out a loved one has a pornography addiction would be all the things she said not to do. I thought about it, and even if someone is engaged in such a horrifying sin, that person is still a child of God. That person still has the ability to change and become better. By showing compassion and care, we can help the person know that the change is possible and worth it. 

For more advice about how to respond when you find out someone you love has a pornography addiction, click here. 

The young woman in the story may not have reacted the best at first, but she did sincerely want her husband to overcome his addiction. She wanted to save her marriage and keep her family together.

She suffered greatly because of her husband's addiction. It made her feel betrayed, unloved, not good enough, and defeated. 

Sister Reeves has offered words of hope to people like this young woman: “We as leaders are also greatly concerned about the spouses and families of those suffering from pornography addiction. Elder Richard G. Scott has pleaded: “If you are free of serious sin yourself, don’t suffer needlessly the consequences of another’s sins. … You can feel compassion. … Yet you should not take upon yourself a feeling of responsibility for those acts.” Know that you are not alone. There is help. Addiction recovery meetings for spouses are available, including phone-in meetings, which allow spouses to call in to a meeting and participate from their own homes.”

Elder C. Scott Grow has also provided comfort with his words: “The Savior felt the weight of the anguish of all mankind―the anguish of sin and of sorrow. “Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows.” Through His Atonement, He heals not only the transgressor, but He also heals the innocent who suffer because of those transgressions. As the innocent exercise faith in the Savior and in His Atonement and forgive the transgressor, they too can be healed” ("The Miracle of the Atonement," April 2011 General Conference).

If this young woman had realized that her husband's addiction was not her fault, that there were support meetings for other spouses like her, that she could be healed as she exercised faith in her Savior and forgave her husband, her suffering would have been much less.

Forgiveness. That is a very difficult thing to do when one has been betrayed so deliberately and painfully. President James E. Faust spoke about forgiveness in a way to make it more attainable. He said:

 1. Forgiveness is not always instantaneous.”

 2. “Most of us need time to work through pain and loss.”

 3. “Forgiveness comes more readily when … we have faith in God and trust in His word.”

 4. “If we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us.”

Now what about the one with the pornography addiction? The young man in the story chose not to repent of his sins. He chose not to go through with the program. He chose to end his marriage. Maybe he just didn't understand this, spoken by Sister Reeves:

"Young people and adults, if you are caught in Satan’s trap of pornography, remember how merciful our beloved Savior is. Do you realize how deeply the Lord loves and cherishes you, even now? Our Savior has the power to cleanse and heal you. He can remove the pain and sorrow you feel and make you clean again through the power of His Atonement…He has paid the price for our sins, but we must kneel before our Father in Heaven, in deep humility, confessing our sins, and plead with Him for forgiveness. We must want to change our hearts and our desires and be humble enough to seek the help and forgiveness of those we may have hurt or forsaken."

No, as a youth, this young man must not have realized he had to repent to really get over his pornography addiction. Then as an adult facing divorce, he must not have known that forgiveness and purity was within his reach if he would only reach out to his Savior.

There are so many wonderful resources to help those affected by pornography addictions. Anyone with an addiction, or spouses and family of one with an addiction, can find live or phone support meeting schedules at addictionrecovery.lds.org.    

Much of the information I put in this blog post came from overcomingpornography.org. It is a site dedicated to educating, preventing, dealing, and healing. Everything you need to know about how to teach your children correct principles is there. Advice for how to safeguard your home is there. The signs of a pornography addiction are there. It is all there. Most importantly, this site is meant to help you or a loved one overcome pornography through the atonement of Jesus Christ. 

Only Jesus Christ can make us clean. Only through Him can we live with our Father in Heaven again.

Perhaps someday the young man in the story will feel Christ's outstretched arms, beckoning him back, reaching to him, yearning to pull him into a warm, loving embrace.

God bless this young man, and any other person who has fallen into Satan's trap of pornography. It is not too late for you. You can overcome. You can find peace. You can be pure again. All you have to do is trust in the Lord. 

Pioneer: One that goes before, showing others the way to follow.

Every year on July 24, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) celebrate Pioneer Day, the anniversary of the day that the first Mormon pioneers arrived in the Salt Lake Valley in 1847. It is a day to honor and remember the faith, courage, sacrifice, and perseverance of the early members of the church.

The early Saints were such powerful examples of putting God first and following His will no matter what the circumstances. They endured more hardships than most could ever imagine, fearing for their lives, being driven from place to place, grieving over the martyrdom of their beloved prophet, and traveling hundreds of miles by foot (some with only handcarts in the bitter cold of winter), to finally find a resting place where they could worship the Lord, Jesus Christ, in peace.

A pioneer is one that goes before, showing others the way to follow. Because of their commitment, unity, faith and selflessness, the pioneers paved a way for millions to find the joy and truth they had received.

There is so much to be learned from these Mormon pioneers, and they actually still exist today. They don’t deal with the same hardships, but Mormons from all over the world strive to follow Jesus Christ as valiantly as the faithful men, women and children who crossed the plains.

I love this video narrated by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He speaks of the idea of modern-day Mormon pioneers.

One definition of a modern Mormon pioneer is one who is the first member of his/her family to join the LDS church.

My husband, Jad, is one of these pioneers. He grew up in Jordan with a very large family, all who affiliated themselves with the teachings and traditions of the same Christian religion.

Throughout his childhood, Jad had many questions. He would look up at the stars and wonder where he came from and what the purpose of life was.

When he was about 9 or 10, he asked a priest these questions. He was quickly rebuked saying that he should not ask such questions as they would make him crazy.

When Jad sadly learned that there were no answers to his questions, he slowly slipped away from his religion and God. He finally denounced religion all together when he stopped attending his Christian school at age 15.

In his early adult years, after graduating from college in Jordan, he moved to the United States for a business opportunity with his uncle. A few years later, his friend told him of another opportunity in North Carolina.

One night as he walked through Wal-Mart to shop for his store, he saw two young women and walked up to them. They were kind to him and invited him to a party. He accepted and was excited to attend.

When Jad arrived at the party, he noticed it was much different than he expected. It was a family party, celebrating with family members who would soon move away. He stayed, though, and accepted an invitation to visit this family’s church, called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

That Sunday he met many new, smiling faces. He felt good as he listened to the children of the congregation put on a musical presentation. He left church with an invitation to help someone in the congregation who needed a ramp built for his home.

This was Jad’s first experience with the Mormon Church, but not the last. Over the course of the next nine months he would attend church every Sunday. He would have the missionaries in his home on a weekly basis, and feed them each time.

He was full of questions, and sometimes skepticism. He asked for a long time that the missionaries only answer his questions through Bible verses. They were always able to do so.

After one lesson with the missionaries, they challenged Jad to not drink the next time he went out socially. He took the challenge, and he was surprised at how different everyone acted when intoxicated. He didn’t like it. So, even though for years Jad had drank nearly every night, he never did again after that experience.

Not everything came so easily for Jad, though. He found many Mormon beliefs to be strange, but he kept listening and studying and spending time with the members and missionaries.

Though he resisted with his brain, his heart could not sever him from the church. Even when members of his family presented him with anti-Mormon materials to read and view, he did not stop investigating.

Through the months he investigated the church, Jad got many answers to questions. The teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints made sense. It all made sense, but he was nervous it was too good to be true.

One night, he prayed to Heavenly Father and told Him that if He answered Jad’s prayers on behalf of his friend, himself and his uncle, all with different needs, that he would know the church was true, and that he would join.

The next morning, after talking to these two individuals that he had prayed about the night before, he joyfully realized that his prayers had indeed been answered. Jad knew that he would then accept the invitation to be baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

He was baptized on his birthday, July 22, 2008. Soon he was called upon to be a ward missionary in his congregation, and then the ward mission leader.

Jad had a testimony, and felt happy in his new faith. The questions he had had his whole life were answered. He still had more questions, though, and kept asking.

Over time, Jad gained a stronger testimony of things that weren’t as clear when he got baptized. After the first General Conference he viewed, he knew that there was a living prophet. When he paid an honest tithe, he gained a testimony of tithing.

Jad’s change of lifestyle, faith, and heart did not come without its struggles. Several members of his family ridiculed him for changing his lifestyle and no longer following the traditions he had always known. His own brother told him he would never talk to him again, though has since changed that stance.

For the last six years, however, Jad has remained true to his baptismal covenants. He has tried his best to stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things and in all places (Mosiah 18:9).

He has had numerous conversations with members of his family about the faith that he loves so dearly. He tries to set a good example for them, and help them find the full truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He has not given up, and will never do so. The gospel means that much to him.

Jad and I truly believe that he was meant to live in the United States so that he could find the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. He never meant to live here, but instead wanted to be a pilot in Jordan. But, he is now one of very few Arabic members of the church. We believe that he has a great opportunity to help spread forth the kingdom of God to those of his heritage.

Jad Al-Bjaly is a modern-day pioneer.

Many members of our church have a long line of members in their family. However, all Mormons can be pioneers as they stand for what is right even when it isn’t popular, when they live their lives in service to God and to their fellow men, and when they share the light they have with others.

Last Sunday, our worship services began with talks about the growth of the church in the Hillsborough and Mebane areas over the last several decades. Members of the church that grew up in these areas prayed and hoped for many years for an LDS chapel to be built closer to them so they could better serve and worship the Lord. That day has come.

At the end of the meeting, our stake president gave a heartfelt and beautiful dedicatory prayer. The greatest desire emanated from the prayer was that the church members would work diligently with the missionaries, and dedicate their efforts to lovingly and boldly sharing their testimonies and spiritual knowledge with others. By so doing, our new church building can be filled with new faces to love and nourish with the good word of God.

Mormons see beauty and truth in all religions, with respect for them all. We believe that there is much truth in all Christian religions about Jesus Christ and His gospel. The difference is that we believe that our church is the same church that Jesus established on the earth, with the same doctrines, the same priesthood authority, with the same focus on living the commandments as He presented them himself. We believe that God still speaks to a prophet today, and that we don’t have to be confused in today’s increasingly wicked world. We believe in loving and serving others every day of our lives, and we want with all of our hearts to share this joy and fulfillment that we enjoy every day.

Every single member of the church who shares this light with others, in hopes that they join with us, is also a modern-day pioneer.

I am a modern-day pioneer. My blog is dedicated to sharing my testimony, my faith, my hope with each of you. I want every person in this world to have the blessings of eternal families. I want everyone to know that God loves them and knows them. I want everyone to know what my husband wondered – where they came from and what this life is for.

Another apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Elder Neil L. Andersen, narrated a very spiritual video about pioneers, old and new, and about their love for their Savior, Jesus Christ.

Please watch it. I promise it will touch your heart, as it does mine each time I watch it.

President Gordon B. Hinckley, our beloved prophet from 1995-2008, said, “We honor best those who have gone before when we serve well in the cause of truth.” 

Elder Oaks expounded on this by saying, “That cause of truth is the cause of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose servants they were, and whose servants we should strive to be.”

I strive every day of my life to be the Lord’s servant. As the song “True to the Faith” says,

True to the faith that our parents have cherished,

True to the truth for which martyrs have perished,

To God’s command, Soul, heart, and hand,

Faithful and true we will ever stand.

Faithful and true I will ever stand – soul, heart and hand. I am a modern-day pioneer. Thank you to all of you who are and will someday become a modern-day Mormon pioneer. May God bless you in your zeal and devotion to the cause of truth.

Meet Charlotte

Jad and I had been content for four years not having a pet. We never discussed even wanting a pet any time soon, and definitely not a dog. A hamster might have been okay when Casey got older. So, how did we end up with a dog, you ask?

Well, in the beginning of March, I got a feeling that there was something missing in our family. My first thought was a baby, but Kamren was still so young (not even a year old), so I knew that couldn't be it. Then my mind envisioned us with a pet. It felt pretty good. I knew a turtle, fish or hamster wouldn't work. No, it would have to be a dog or cat, and since Jad and I are both allergic to cats, a dog it would have to be. 

I brought my thoughts up to Jad, thinking he probably wouldn't agree. Surprisingly, though, he had had the same thought. We were nervous, yet excited, about the idea of adding a new member to our family. And so the search for a dog began.

For nearly a month I searched daily to find our perfect match. I did many hours of research trying to find hypoallergenic (did I mention Jad is also allergic to dogs?), low-shedding dogs that were friendly and playful. I checked into which breeds and sizes were best for kids. I made list after list. I figured out that I wanted a dog past the puppy stage, most likely medium size, and some type of mix of a hypoallergenic dog, like a schnoodle or something.

I started finding options, but many of the rescues had very strict rules on adoption, such as you have to have a fenced in yard, or you have to have a home visit and an interview process. I didn't like the idea of going through all that. Needless to say, I didn't easily find a good match for my family.

At the beginning of April, we started dog sitting for two families in our neighborhood. We had a large breed in our home, and then one each of a medium and small breed that we checked on often. It was during those couple days that I really felt confident and comfortable about getting a dog. We loved watching our neighbors' dog in our home, and my son, Casey, was just so good with her and the other dogs. I knew that a dog would really make our kids, and us, happy.

One evening, Casey told me that he thought he would want a small dog since he got along so well with the small dog we were watching. Well, that changed my search for sure, since I had been avoiding small breeds.

That evening, April 3, I found a posting for a 4 and half month old Shih Tzu/Jack Russell Terrier mix puppy named Lola. These are the pictures I saw:

I fell in love with that face. When Jad got home from work that night, he also fell in love with that face. Lola had a sister named Luna, who looked more like a Shih Tzu, and was also adorable. I figured that Luna would be more likely to be hypoallergenic, but Jad really liked Lola better. I went ahead and emailed Robin at Finding Great Homes for Jack Russells in Greensboro, telling her of our interest in either Lola or Luna.

I could hardly wait to get her reply the next morning. She asked that we fill out the application and then we could come see the dogs they had that day. She said Luna was getting groomed, but we could see Lola. We excitedly got ready to go to Greensboro, thinking that we would be coming home that day with a new dog. 

Our first view of Lola was her urinating on Robin, but Robin just laughed it off and let us go play with her. The kids immediately loved her, especially Casey. She was so playful, sweet, and adorable. It was so fun watching her leap around and play with her toys.

We actually did look at several other dogs. I saw another one I liked, but Casey ultimately said that he loved Lola the best. I had wanted an older dog, but seeing Casey so happy melted my heart.

We were told that Lola would shed, and Jad actually got a little itchy holding her. We decided to do a trial adoption for a couple days to see if Jad could be around her without a severe allergic reaction. We signed the paperwork, and loaded little Lola in the car.

Then we had to go buy her everything she needed - food, leash, crate, toys, treats, collar, etc. That was fun, though not easy on the wallet. At least Petco gives discounts for those who adopt a pet. 

When we took Lola home, we set up her belongings, and tried to help her feel at home. She quickly found comfort under Kamren's piano toy. For the first few days we had her, she loved sitting under there.

While she hid under the toy, Rigel played in her crate.

It was really fun giving our pup her first bath. She hadn't been bathed in a while because she had been spayed a few days before. Jad had to put petroleum jelly on her incision.

 Later we took her to play with the other dogs we were watching. She was a little nervous, and kind of hid out on her own. She felt safer having Casey cuddle her.

During the first few hours of owning Lola, we tried our hardest to figure out another name to call her. We thought of names like Oreo, CC (for cookies and cream), Peppermint (or Puppermint) Patty. I was pretty sold on Puppermint Patty, and Casey liked Oreo, but it just didn't feel right. Then, as we were walking around our neighborhood (mostly carrying her since she wouldn't walk on a leash), I thought of the name Lottie. I loved that name from the Phantom of the Opera. Casey kind of liked it but wanted to know what it meant. I looked it up and realized that Lottie was short for Charlotte. Casey then exclaimed that he liked the name Charlotte, and that was what he wanted to call her. I wasn't so sure, but he was. And so, Lola became Charlotte.

It was so exciting having our little pup, and having a new name for her, and having everything she needed. 

There were challenged, though, like teaching her to walk on a leash, which took nearly a week. Having accidents in the house was also a challenge we had to overcome by taking her out every hour. 

The really hard thing, though, was that Jad realized he was allergic to Charlotte. She made him itch around his face and neck. Uh oh. Well, we had told the children that we may have to give her back. We told Casey about Daddy being allergic, and he just wasn't having it. He said he loved Charlotte and didn't want to give her back.

It was Conference Weekend. After one of the sessions of conference, on Sunday I believe, we prayed together to see if we should keep Charlotte. I remember feeling a strong impression that we should keep her. 

Jad said his itching wasn't so bad that he couldn't function. He just decided not to hold her and cuddle her as much. I was happy I didn't have to give up this sweet little girl. 

 We were really smitten with Charlotte the first couple weeks. We expected accidents in the house, and things to be chewed up sometimes. She even chewed through our lap top cord. Jad fixed it, and she did it again. It was hard, but we tried to stay patient.

After we had her for a week we took Charlotte to a friend's wedding reception. Everyone just loved her and said how well-behaved and gentle she was. My friend, Hayley, loved her so much, I thought she was going to take her home. She also surprised us by jumping into the river and swimming around. It was so cute and funny. We were thinking, wow, if everyone just loves her so much, and says all these nice things about her, we can definitely get through this hard puppy time.

We also ordered a lot of stuff to help her not chew, destroy, and have accidents. We got her a doggie bed to hopefully keep her off the furniture (she had been having accidents and chewing on it). We also got her a tether so she could play outside. We had to get her some new, more durable toys too. 

Rigel loved playing outside with Charlotte, or just sitting under the trampoline with her.

Jad had the idea to enclose her a bit in the house too. We got a baby gate enclosure and set it up with her food and toys in it. This worked for a week or two until she started jumping out of it. It progressed slowly. She would really struggle to get out, but one day she just started leaping out. We then got rid of the enclosure.

After a while, it got harder and harder to stay patient. Our cute little dog had accidents in the house several times a day, continued to chew things, and worst of all, she got scared often. She was scared to death of Jad for some reason. He would be playing or talking to her, and she would have an accident on the floor. She was scared of me sometimes too. We figured that at some point she would get over the fear and just needed more time, though it was hard to really believe that. Not long after we got her, we found out her back story was much darker than we were originally told. Even though we wanted to believe she would snap out of it, we weren't really sure.

The saving grace for her is that she was so gentle with the kids, at least most of them. Charlotte was always so sweet with Kamren, kissing him all the time. She didn't care when Kamren and Rigel pulled on her or played rough with her. Casey, though, she liked to nip at, sometimes causing him a little of his own fear.

Her beauty helped us hold out too. I mean, have you ever seen a dog with such beautiful coloring?

Every time we thought of maybe getting rid of her, she would do something really cute, or we would see the kids just love and love on her. 

Towards the end of May, Charlotte limped around the house a lot. One day I realized that she had a bad crack in her nail. Jad and I worked together to research what to do for her, and to patch her up. This helped us feel compassion for her. No matter what, Casey was always so in love with his dog.

A few days, later, though, just two months after we got her, Jad and I couldn't take it anymore. We felt like we were angry at her so much, and it was affecting our home life. I sent an email to the rescue about returning her. This is how I described Charlotte:

She is a beautiful, playful, sweet dog. We love those parts of her. However, she pees in the house all the time (even though we take her out often), gets scared very easily, destroys many things, and sometimes bites/scratches us. We have been trying to train her, and it is going okay, but she is very stubborn. 

Robin, from the shelter, explained that Jack Russell Terriers often play bite. She also told me about a thing called a Thunder Shirt, that is supposed to help with dog anxiety. She said the accidents might have something to do with a UTI, but I knew it was a nervous pee. I had recently read about it online.

Even though we really wanted to get rid of her, our only option, per the rescue's policy, would be to trade her in for another dog. I wasn't sure I wanted to risk getting another problem dog, so I got the Thunder Shirt.

I am not sure that the shirt worked. It was something to help us be patient and hopeful again, though. She looked awful cute in it too.

I am telling you, her cuteness and her way with the kids kept us from giving up so many times. The picture above is her running on the outside of the trampoline, chasing Casey around it over and over. It was so cool to watch that. 

A week later we got a break from her as we went to Charlotte, NC for a few days. Casey was on his way out to Utah for three weeks. When we got back, our friends told us that she was so wonderful and a joy to be around. They complimented her on her independence, playfulness and sweetness. We found it hard to believe she wasn't scared, stubborn or incontinent. 

Then Jad and I got another break from her when we went to D.C. We came back and our cousin told us she was really wild, always jumped on the furniture, had accidents, and even chewed up Rigel's church shoe. Thank goodness we were so pumped from our vacation that the news didn't bother us much. 

Not long after we got back from our second vacation, I started to realize something. Charlotte really had improved a lot. She walked great on a leash. She was not getting scared of Jad or me hardly at all anymore. She wasn't having constant nervous accidents. I could trust her in our yard without a leash because she would come when I called. She was more loving and affectionate towards me and Jad. 

These past few weeks, Charlotte has really evolved into being a cherished member of our family. She is not perfect. She still goes upstairs when she isn't supposed to. She doesn't always listen when I tell her not to come in the kitchen when we are eating. She still chews up things periodically. 

However, we have changed. We have worked hard to find out how to avoid mishaps. We have learned to really love her. Spending money on new, stronger toys for her did not bother us because she is a member of our family, and that is what she needed.

Jad and I love spending time with her after the kids have gone to bed. It is a time we do a lot of laughing and smiling. Jad even likes to share his food with her.

Charlotte is a unique and special dog. She can jump incredibly high. She has developed crazy strong teeth and can destroy toys quicker than I could have ever imagined. She gets incredibly excited sometimes and races all around the house. She loves each one of us, and feels so happy when we pet her and rub her. She wants to be everyone's friend, and gives no shortage of kisses. She just wants to be around her family because that is who she loves.

I think she has changed too. She didn't always see us as her family. Now she does. 

My whole point of writing this is not just to tell you a story about a dog, but to tell you that my faith has been strengthened from my experiences with her these past few months. I never should have doubted that she was right for our family. Jad and I individually felt that we needed a dog. We were drawn to her picture. We prayed to know if we should keep her. The answer was yes. I know that if we had held on to that answer, that we never would have considered giving her up. I am so grateful that we didn't, because Charlotte is really the best dog in the world.

Jad and I truly look forward to her growing up with our kids, and being a companion for them, and for us, for many years to come.