To Cleave or not to Cleave? There is no question!

Cleave: To adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly

"But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mark 10:6-9).

*twain means two

I have been pondering this verse, and the many other renditions of it throughout the scriptures. This word, cleave, has been burned into my mind.

When spouses cleave to each other, they become united.

Elder Henry B. Eyring made this profound statement, “Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.”

After much studying, and pondering on my own life, here are some ways I have found to cleave to your spouse:

Spend quality time together.

Physically, we need to be close as husband and wife. We most likely cannot spend most of our day together, because of work, chores, our children’s needs and well-being,  but when we do have that time, we should make it a special time.

For each couple, it could be different. In my marriage, I don’t count doing chores or necessary tasks as spending quality time together. Talking together about important issues or planning activities is a little better, but often times feels too business-like. The times when I feel closest to my husband are when we can put the stress of life behind us, and really relax, laugh, and enjoy each other. The love we share has time to shine through, and we are closer physically and emotionally.

For example, recently we pulled out old photo albums and perused the pictures from our dating and early married life. It was so fun, and even tender, to revisit some of those beautiful memories.

During the times we can’t be exclusively together, Jad and I still feel close as we talk to each other on the phone or text each other, letting each other know “you are in my thoughts.” When we are spending time with the kids at home or elsewhere, we still try to smile, laugh, and show affection so we feel close to each other.

I wish I could say I was perfect in this aspect of cleaving. I am not. I have had to make a conscious effort to hold hands with my husband, or hug him and kiss him throughout the day, because by nature, I am not super affectionate or clingy.

When we have company over (like my family), or we are at a large gathering, I often flit away to talk to my mom or chat with a friend, leaving Jad behind for sometimes extended periods. My husband has been good at telling me that he feels better if I hold his hand and stay near him on walks, or frequently come around him during large gatherings.

This makes sense, because he should always feel he is the greatest company I could ever ask for. And he is.

Sometimes, though, as a stay-at-home mom, I feel that I really need a break for my sanity. Occasionally I will go to a girl’s night, or book club, or church activity. It rejuvenates me, and lifts my spirits, helping me be a better wife and mother. I think it is healthy for husbands and wives to get some time away. As long as you discuss together your desires and expectations regarding time together and away, you are still cleaving to one another.

Make your own traditions.

It is so important to discuss what works best in your marriage and family for parenting, traditions, finances, etc. Sometimes you have to let go of traditions and ways set forth by your parents and grandparents, for though they may have been good, they may not be best for your family. Some traditions may not have been good, and also need to be left behind.

Jad and I come from very different cultures. He is Jordanian and I am American. Americans are more likely to leave their parents and be independent. Jordanians feel strongly about taking care of their parents, and don’t think twice about living with them, even after they are married.

When Jad and I were dating seriously, we took a walk one day and he seriously asked me if we got married, if I would consider letting his mother live with us. As you can imagine, I was strongly opposed, mostly because I felt we would need to focus on strengthening our new little family. He accepted my answer, and not long after, proposed to me. 

There has been quite a bit of tension with Jad’s family because he left behind the Greek Orthodox traditions that his family has followed for so long. He and I have decided together to raise our family in LDS traditions. We are at peace with this decision, but sometimes there can be awkwardness with members of his family who do not understand.

Some other things we haven’t taken directly from our families are the things we do on Sundays, the shows we watch, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, what we put in our bodies, etc. We have different standards for many things.

Jad and I discipline our kids differently than was done in my family and his family. We are harder on them in some ways and easier on them in others. Our kids are different. Our personalities are different. Our dynamics together are different.

We have also gotten degrees and furthered our education, where many people in our families never did.

Sometimes it can be hard to live differently than your parents taught you. It can be difficult to figure out which family traditions you will keep, which you will discard, and which you will combine. What will you make new?

Some traditions we have held on to from our families are our love of eating big meals and socializing with our family and friends. 

Jad and I have both learned to love different sweets- for him, brownies, cookies and cakes, and for me, knafeh and baklava.

We are great lovers of music. We help others and give of our time and excess. We are thrifty and work hard. We laugh hard and tell great stories - sometimes over and over again.

We also embrace the Jordanian culture, and love wearing traditional clothing, eating traditional dishes, and listening to and dancing to traditional music.

By counseling as a couple what works best for you, both of you will be satisfied with the changes that come.

Be faithful and true to your spouse.

“Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else. “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit; and if he repents not he shall be cast out" (Doctrine and Covenants 42:22-23).

This applies to me as much as it applies to my husband. Women and men can both be tempted to stray. I have thought a lot about how to prevent this. I don’t think any person wakes up one morning with the intent to commit adultery, nor do I think adultery is the only way to be unfaithful.

I have created rules for myself to help me stay always faithful to my husband:

1. I will not flirt with any other man. I won’t go to places or be a member of sites where there are men and women looking for companionship.

2. I will not dote on how attractive another man is, even celebrities. I will not compare my husband to other men and wish he was more like them.

I was going to post a really attractive picture of Jad, but I don't want anyone to lust after him. :)

3. I will not read books or magazines, watch movies or videos, or listen to music that spark sexual feelings from within. To me, it is wrong to be imagining sexual behavior that doesn’t involve me with my spouse.

4. I will not be alone with another man, in a car or elsewhere, with the exception of church interviews.

5. I will not confide in another man (or anybody) any problems I am having in my marriage, for that opens myself up to vulnerability. Those conversations are only meant for my husband and me.

Some of you may think these rules are a little too strict, and some of the things I mentioned are harmless. I think that is up to the individual to determine, but for me, all of the rules above will help me avoid lustful temptation of any kind. That makes it worth it to me.

Learn to love your differences.

Differences can at first glance seem to be an annoyance. "Why can’t he be more like this?" "Why can’t she do that?" "It is so obvious to me that.." "It would be so much easier if he would just..."

When differences start to annoy, it would be wise to look within. "Am I perfect? Do I do everything excellently? Am I the best parent and spouse in the world? Am I better than my spouse?"

The answer will always be no, won’t it?

If you look at differences in a positive way, you excitedly see that where you lack, he excels, and vice versa. You complete each other. You help each other grow. You give each other perspective.

Jad can throw a fantastic meal together without a recipe. I need a recipe, so I am the better baker.

He is the fun, silly, energetic, let them stay up dad. I am the organized, kiss their booboos, read them an endless amount of books, sing them songs, help them with their homework mom. We both have ideas on how best to teach and correct.

He creates, builds, fixes, beautifies. I sing, write, speak publicly with ease.

He would rather clean bathrooms and sweep and mop the floor. I prefer to put the toys away, wash the dishes, and do laundry.

I help him with his grammar. He helps me remember to smile.

Our differences are things to appreciate, to admire, and sometimes even to laugh at.

There are some things that aren’t easy with being different, like maybe how we communicate or show affection or handle conflict. That is okay! It is a challenge, but if you talk together about your desires and needs, and go to the Lord for help, you will be blessed.

 Only speak kindly of your spouse to others.

When you first get married, you feel blissful and complete. You see yourself as the luckiest person on earth, with the best spouse you could ever ask for.

Then reality sets in.

You get comfortable with each other, and faults and idiosyncrasies start to emerge. Witnessing a bad habit day after day, week after week, year after year, can be maddening.

You start to expect more and see less as life gets busier. You start to take things for granted that you used to appreciate.

You get less patient and less forgiving.

Then you really want to tell your friends and family about it, so they can tell you how right you are and how wrong he is.

This reaction is natural, but is it right? Does it help? Does it help us cleave to our spouse?

I really try hard not to ever speak ill of my husband. It feels wrong. It fills me with feelings like bitterness, anger, and irritation. It fills me with thoughts that I am better than him, he isn’t good enough for me, I do more than he does for the family, and I don’t deserve  what he does to me. It blinds me from my own faults.

When I hear other people talk badly about their spouses, I cringe. I wonder if the spouse knows any of this. I am someone who likes to hear all perspectives, and even then I try hard not to make a judgment. Many people, though, will hear one side of the story, and turn against someone, without knowing all the facts.

I asked if speaking badly of your spouse helps you cleave to him. The answer is no; rather it helps you want to leave him. What is the other option, then?

 Speak kindly of him, even when it is hardest to do so.

This isn’t lying and this isn’t bragging, but rather it is helping you refocus and remember all the wonderful things you love about your spouse.

You shouldn’t ignore your concerns, though. Absolutely talk about them, but only to the one person who needs to hear them. Make sure those words are kind too.

Communicate in a way to uplift, not degrade.

To cleave to my husband, I need to speak well of him not only to others, but to him. I feel so happy and loved when my husband compliments me, shows an interest in my interests, rejoices in my accomplishments, and appreciates my hard labors on behalf of our family. He will often, in family prayer, ask Heavenly Father to bless me for all I do for the family and kids. I know he feels much closer to me when I do the same for him.

L. Lionel Kendrick’s words ring so true: “Our communications reflect in our countenance. Therefore, we must be careful not only what we communicate, but also how we do so. Souls can be strengthened or shattered by the message and the manner in which we communicate.”

Speaking well of your spouse is a way to strengthen his soul. What about when disagreements and irritations come?

Jad and I don’t have that many arguments or fights. When we do, though, it can be hurtful for the both of us.

Our problems mostly lie with wanting to be right, wanting to win, not wanting to admit fault, but rather finding fault in the other (why do you do this to me?), and  not wanting to be the first to apologize.

I call this cleaving to myself. This is selfishness. That is the opposite of unity.

Sometimes our spouses do things that are hurtful. In my relationship, my husband is a good husband. He isn’t abusive. However, sometimes the way we say things can hurt. I can choose to get offended and explode and fume out every issue I have ever had with him, or I can breathe, tell him how I feel, and tell him I know he didn’t mean to hurt me.

I don’t think my husband ever hurts me on purpose. I don’t ever want to hurt him either. However, my temper sometimes gets the better of me. I may yell, I may call names, I may curse, I may roll my eyes, I may be sarcastic…there are many other worse things one can do too. 

Does any of that help? No, it adds fuel to the fire and a simple argument can turn into a war.

When you start to feel like steam is going to come out of your ears, it is time to take a step back, and remember that you love your spouse and you are on the same team. It can help in that moment, and help repair your marriage.

When you do something wrong, apologize as soon as you recognize it. Don’t justify it, for “shattering a soul” through your choice of communication is never justified.

Make the important decisions together.

There are many ways to make decisions, and some decisions to be made are more crucial than others. However, when a decision to be made, whether big or small, affects your family’s lives and well-being, you and your spouse should discuss and make those decisions together.

Obviously both of you will have an opinion. You could get argumentative, and push until you get your way. Or, you could come up with a compromise, which would leave each of you partly satisfied. 

There is an even better way, and that is to seek out God’s will for your family, for what seems right to you may not actually be right. Study your scriptures together. Pray, even fast, together. Leave it up to God’s will. When you receive an answer, you will both be completely satisfied because you will know it is what God wants for you, even if it wasn’t what you originally thought.

Jad and I have had to make many important decisions in our marriage. One of the first was what we were going to do when we had our first child together, Rigel. I had been working full time for four years at a company I loved. I was making good money, with excellent benefits, great coworkers, and definite potential to move up in the company. Jad had been the co-owner and manager of a convenience store in Kinston for many years, travelling several days a week. He made less money with no benefits, and his store wasn’t in the safest area.

Looking at it in my perspective, I kind of wanted to keep working. I felt my job would have been better for our family in the long run. I didn’t like the idea of being away from Casey and Rigel (I had absolutely hated putting Casey in daycare a few years before), but I would have been okay with it if Jad stayed home with them. Jad was such a fun dad, it would be great.

Jad didn’t agree with me at all. He felt because he was the man, it was his responsibility to take care of the family. He had also put so much work into his business, he didn’t want to give it up and leave his uncle hanging.

It was tough. We couldn’t very well compromise on that one. I had looked into working part time, but was told that wasn’t an option.

So, we decided to fast and pray about it. It didn’t take long for us to feel very peaceful about me quitting my job and staying home to raise my sweet boys. My decision surprised some who thought of my success, but didn’t surprise others who knew of my values. It was hard to leave, very hard, but I have never once regretted the decision.

Because Jad and I chose to take the road God wanted for us, we were happy with the difficult decision we made. And we are still so happy.

This decision-making method has blessed our lives so many times. We also feel more spiritually united, and come closer to God each time we earnestly reach out to him.

Live by “What is yours is mine and what is mine is yours.”

If we really live by this, than we know we will cleave to each other rather than our material possessions. This also brings equality to the marriage.

I am a stay at home mom. I don’t work outside the home anymore. My husband is the breadwinner. However, the money he brings home is OUR money. He never tells me I can’t spend it. He trusts me to use it as I see fit for the family.

The only things we really consider “mine” would be our toothbrushes and clothes. We share just about everything else.

Because we share our financial and other temporal resources, we are respectful of each other’s opinions on how best to use them. We stay on the same page on how to budget money, what we need and what we can wait on, and what we choose to keep or discard as we consolidate.  

We don’t worry so much about small purchases or purges, but we definitely discuss the bigger things together.

This saying of what is yours is mine can apply to anything, even heartaches, accomplishments, and joys. When my husband is discouraged or sad, I am too. When I am excited about something, he is too. We won’t always feel the same way, but when we do, we still help and support each other.

Jad getting his citizenship was as much of a joy to me as it was to him.

Put each other first.

When you are married, your spouse’s needs, wants, and happiness should be as important to you as your own.

One way to do this is to learn about and support your spouse’s interests and hobbies.

I love acting and performing. My husband always supports me when I want to be in a show or sing in the choir. He never complains either.

Jad loves to come up with ways to landscape our yard. I give him free artistic license to create our garden, move things around, paint, and plant.

I have tried to immerse myself in Arabic culture as much as possible, with the food, clothes, music and dancing. It is important to me because it is a part of him.

He reads all of my blog posts and comments on them because he wants me to know he is proud of me and is uplifted by my words.

Another way to put each other first is to do nice things for each other, like write love notes, plan a surprise, do something without being asked, show affection often, give a massage, be the one to get up and do something when you are both tired.

If you give what you want to receive, your spouse will feel your love and want to do likewise.

To put your spouse first, it is important to be sensitive to moods, desires, energy levels, and work load. That way, you can discern each other’s needs better.

For example, perhaps you had planned for you and your spouse to do a particular activity that evening, but you see your spouse is really tired or overwhelmed. You willingly and graciously discuss a new plan with your spouse, without being resentful.

Jad is really good at giving me breaks when I am really tired after a long day with the kids. Sometimes he will suggest I get out of the house for a while. If I decline the offer, he will just invite me to relax on the couch while he cleans up the dishes and plays with the kids.

Sometimes, even if I haven’t seen Jad all day, I will give up time with him if he feels like he really needs to study. This way he will feel more prepared for his upcoming exam, and feel less anxiety.

It is also important as spouses to stop what we are doing and just listen. Be interested in how your spouse’s day was. Talk about it. Offer comfort and support. Give needed hugs and kisses.

There may be days when your spouse comes home from work or another activity, where it is really tempting to vent about how awful your day was, and how you are so upset. Instead of doing that, which can provoke guilt in your spouse, try to keep a positive attitude so that he can keep a positive outlook on the he had.

Help each other with responsibilities. It could be tempting to say that it is his job, so I shouldn’t have to help. By getting up and helping wash dishes, or fold laundry, or organize the closet, your spouse can feel that you enjoy being with him regardless of what you are doing.

If you see a need, do it rather than wait for your spouse to do it. This will be a load off of him, which will make you happy.

By putting your spouse first, you grow together in love, and you both stay humble, and as President Spencer W. Kimball promised: “. . . If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions.”

Love God above all else.

This may seem contradictory to the concept of cleaving to your spouse. It isn’t!

I looked up all the verses in the scriptures that use the word “cleave.” Not only does God command that we cleave to our spouse, He also commands:

“Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good” (Romans 12:9).

“Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him” (Deuteronomy 13:4). 

Jacob, a prophet in the Book of Mormon adds a beautiful truth to the command to cleave unto God. He says: “…cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you.”

Moroni, another prophet in the Book of Mormon, counsels us to “cleave unto charity,” which is the “pure love of Christ,” because “charity never faileth” (Moroni 7:46-47).

Elder John A. Widtsoe said, “True love of man for woman always includes love of God from whom all good things issue.”

All good things come from God. For a marriage to be strong, it needs the Lord’s blessings.

If I love God, I want to keep His commandments. More importantly, I want to be like Him. If I am like Him, I will be a kind, compassionate, forgiving, humble, gentle, righteous, giving, understanding, patient, loving spouse.

Isn’t that what we all need to be happy? There are many desirable qualities in a spouse, but the ones that matter most are the ones that mirror the Savior.

Loving God above all else is the journey of a lifetime. Jad and I are working hard to cleave to God. We pray to Him sincerely night and day. We study our scriptures and the words of the prophets daily. We do our best to keep Jesus’ commandments. We attend church every Sunday, and willingly do our church responsibilities. We serve others every chance we get. We love our friends and family. We teach our children to love God and keep His commandments. We attend the temple as often as we can, and we strive to keep the covenants we have made with our Father in Heaven. We share the gospel of Christ with others. When we fall short, we repent and seek forgiveness from God and each other.

We can always do more, and as we are spiritually united, we can help each other in the pathway to perfection.  Jad and I want to live with God eternally, and we want to be together forever as husband and wife.

President Spencer W. Kimball promised:  “If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have . . . great happiness.”

I know that Jad and I are most happy with each other when we are spiritually in tune, and living righteously.

 

The Lord has commanded that husbands and wives to cleave to each other. This commandment is meant to help us be united in righteousness, providing us with the greatest joy we could ever imagine. I love my husband, and I promise to always do my best to cleave to him, from now and through all eternity. As the Lord said, “where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Jad is one of my greatest treasures, and I thank God for him every day.

The Pathway to Perfection

President Harold B. Lee taught that: "Christ came not only into the world to make an atonement for the sins of mankind but to set an example before the world of the standard of perfection of God’s law and of obedience to the Father. In his Sermon on the Mount the Master has given us somewhat of a revelation of his own character, which was perfect,… and in so doing has given us a blueprint for our own lives."

The Sermon on the Mount is found in Matthew, Chapters 5-7 in the New Testament, and is filled with invaluable counsel from our Savior on how to live righteous lives, and to be more like Him.




I wish to focus on the beatitudes, which are blessings we can receive if we come unto Christ. President Lee said that the beatitudes embody the "constitution for a perfect life."

The beatitudes are interrelated and progressive in their arrangement, each one building on the others. We can receive the blessings of each as we choose to come unto Christ.

1. Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

When thinking of the poor in spirit, I first think of people who are sad, depressed, lonely, and without hope.

President Lee explained that the poor in spirit, "means those who are spiritually needy, who feel so impoverished spiritually that they reach out with great yearning for help."

The Lord gave this invitation, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught: "This reliance upon the merciful nature of God is at the very center of the gospel Christ taught. I testify that the Savior’s Atonement lifts from us not only the burden of our sins but also the burden of our disappointments and sorrows, our heartaches and our despair… Considering the incomprehensible cost of the Crucifixion and Atonement, I promise you He is not going to turn His back on us now. When He says to the poor in spirit, "Come unto me," He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way…If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended."

2. Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

It may at first glance seem strange that one who is feeling such a deep loss is considered blessed. However, through such loss, our hope of the resurrection is strengthened, we come to a greater understanding of the eternal perspective, and we become more aware that, as Elder Russell M. Nelson has said, "Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death."

Robert E. Wells of the first quorum of the 70, taught,"When we can see the Lord’s purposes fulfilled in that which gives us sorrow, the Holy Ghost can give us full consolation, and the atonement and resurrection truly become to us the cornerstone of our faith. In the midst of mourning one discovers deeper dimensions of love, friendship, and brotherhood…It is in the midst of mourning that one discovers the personal closeness of his Heavenly Father and his Savior Jesus Christ and the comfort of the Holy Ghost… We will be blessed in mourning and be comforted as we reflect on eternal marriage, eternal families, eternal values."

This is one way that we mourn in this life. Elder Spencer J. Condie of the 70 also reminds us that we should mourn, especially for our sins, as "godly sorrow worketh repentance tosalvation." This is an important step in our journey to perfection.

3. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

When I hear the word meek, I always think about Christ, for that is how he was described. He was gentle, submissive, kind, selfless and humble.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said that "one cannot develop those other crucial virtues—faith, hope, and charity—without meekness…Meekness…is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control. Without meekness, the conversational points we insist on making often take the form of "I"—that spearlike, vertical pronoun."

If we do most often only think about ourselves, like Elder Maxwell warned, we are not humble. President Spencer W. Kimball said that to be meek one must be humble. He asked, "How does one get humble? To me, one must constantly be reminded of his dependence. On whom dependent? On the Lord. How remind one’s self? By real, constant, worshipful, grateful prayer."

4. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

If I hunger or thirst for something, that means I desire it, and I need it for my health. Those who desire righteousness, consistently look for opportunities to do good so they can stay spiritually healthy. They work hard to find ways to be more like Christ, who is the bread of life and the living water.

Sheri L Dew explained: "Hungering and thirsting translate to sheer spiritual labor. Worshiping in the temple, repenting to become increasingly pure, forgiving and seeking forgiveness, and earnest fasting and prayer all increase our receptivity to the Spirit. Spiritual work works and is the key to learning to hear the voice of the Lord."

The Lord promises us that if we do these things we will be filled with the Holy Ghost. I know I have felt an abundance of the Spirit when I do these things, and I would also add studying my scriptures, serving others, and sharing the gospel with others.

With this gift, comes great responsibility. Elder Robert D Hales counseled that "We who have the gift of the Holy Ghost must be true to its promptings so we can be a light to others. "‘Let your light so shine before men,’ said the Lord, ‘that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.'"

5. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

When I think of being merciful, I think of being kind to someone who isn’t kind back. I think of, instead of judging someone or disliking someone, trying to see into their hearts, and realize we don’t know all that people go through. I think of turning the other cheek, rather than seeking revenge, when you have been wronged.

From the scriptures, I think of Captain Moroni, who commanded the Nephite army to stop slaying the Lamanites, and rather call a truce, when he saw their terror at being surrounded on all sides. I think of the good Samaritan, seeing only a person in need, and not taking thought to his race, culture, or background. I think, most of all, of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, who have provided a way for we imperfect people to be clean and return to live with God again.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminds us that …"that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. …How can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven? Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive."

I know that as I have chosen to let go of grudges and judgment, that I have been able to really see God’s love for others, and also for imperfect me. I have seen His tender mercies in my life the more compassionate I am to others, whether it be giving to the poor and needy, helping someone who doesn’t show me appreciation, or just choosing not to be offended, but rather to forgive.

6. Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

When I think of being pure in heart, I think of having "no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually." I think of "[shaking] at the appearance of sin." I think of having a strong conviction that there is no other option but to do what is right.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin defines being pure in heart this way: "To be without guile is to be pure in heart, an essential virtue of those who would be counted among true followers of Christ. … "If we are without guile, we are honest, true, and righteous. Those who are honest are fair and truthful in their speech, straightforward in their dealings, free of deceit…Honesty is of God; dishonesty of the devil, who was a liar from the beginning. Righteousness means living a life that is in harmony with the laws, principles, and ordinances of the gospel."

L. Whitney Clayton of the 70 added that "The condition of our heart determines how much evidence of divinity we see in the world now and qualifies us for the eventual realization of the promise that the pure "shall see God." Ours is a quest for purity."

President Joseph Smith said that if we strive for this purity, we "will be able to more perfectly understand the difference between right and wrong—between the things of God and the things of men; and [our] path[s] will be like that of the just, which shineth brighter and brighter unto the perfect day."

7. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Within His sermon, Jesus warns us against anger, which is of the Devil. He instead councils us to love our neighbors, and even love our enemies – to pray for them and do good for them. This makes sense, for we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. That is the golden rule.

In a recent news conference on religious freedom and nondiscrimination, Elder Holland wisely said: "Every citizen’s rights are best guarded when each person and group guards for others those rights they wish guarded for themselves."

A large part of being peacemakers is being merciful to our fellow citizens, neighbors, friends, and family.
There is more being a peacemaker, though. Elder Bruce R. McConkie said that "only those who believe and spread the fulness of the gospel are peacemakers within the perfect meaning of this Beatitude. The gospel is the message of peace to all mankind."

When I first read this quote as I taught Institute, my testimony of missionary work grew exponentially. Elder Dallin H Oaks said that "…peace can only come through the gospel of Jesus Christ." President Joseph F.Smith added to this truth, saying that to bring peace, the gospel must be "understood, obeyed, and practiced by rulers and people alike."

What an essential mission we followers of Christ have. He trusts us to help bring peace to our homes, communities, and even the world. I can only hope I can always be worthy of that sacred trust.

8. Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

If we are being true peacemakers and sharing the light of the gospel, we will be persecuted, for as Elder Lawrence Corbridge said, "The truth will always be opposed."

We know this is true. Jesus brought the Truth to the world – He was the Truth - and he was rejected, betrayed, scourged, abandoned, crucified.

Christ was persecuted more than we will ever be, but he still loved and forgave those who hurt him. He endured the persecution without retaliation, but rather turned the other cheek.

Elder Hales said that when our beliefs are criticized, we need to follow the Savior’s example. He said, "Some people mistakenly think responses such as silence, meekness, forgiveness, and bearing humble testimony are passive or weak... But to "love [our] enemies…takes faith, strength, and, most of all, Christian courage."

Elder Holland counseled, "Defend your beliefs with courtesy and with compassion, but defend them. In courageously pursuing such a course, you will forge unshakable faith, you will find safety against ill winds that blow, even shafts in the whirlwind, and you will feel the rock-like strength of our Redeemer, upon whom if you build your unflagging discipleship, you cannot fall."

This promise brings me so much peace. I will continue to defend my faith throughout my life, with as much courtesy and compassion as I can. I am grateful that if I do this, the Lord will not let me fail.

Just as President Lee said that the beatitudes embody the constitution for a perfect life, Christ, in His sermon asked us to "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

President James E. Faust explained that "Perfection is an eternal goal. While we cannot be perfect in mortality, striving for it is a commandment which ultimately, through the Atonement, we can keep."

I thank my Savior for giving us the course we need for perfection. I know that as we strive to follow the principles in the beatitudes, and utilize the Lord’s atonement for forgiveness and spiritual strength throughout our lives, that we will receive the blessings God has promised us, most importantly, a place in His kingdom for all eternity.

Bliss Within a Mess

The baby is hurt and cries for me.

He runs to his fallen lunch plate, then tearfully reaches for me to hold him.

I hug him, kiss his little face, and then gently place him on my lap and begin to rock.

The big boy also wants to cuddle. I make room on my lap for his larger, yet still soft body.

We rock peacefully back and forth, one hugging me and the other licking peanut butter off his fingers.

The little dog approaches, sad, wanting to join us on the comfy rocker.

I think there is not enough room, but hearing her little desperate cry, I tap my knee twice and summon her to join us.

She happily leaps onto my lap. Suddenly, there isn't enough room.

Her body is lying on my shoulder, neck and head. Her fur is going in my ear.

That is when we start to giggle.

The little black dog finally gets comfortable curled up with the big boy, and then her playful kisses start.

She kisses me on my ears and mouth as I try to turn away, only stopping to lick the generous baby’s pointer finger that is tempting her with its peanut buttery goodness.

We continue to rock, a little less quietly than before, and I realize I have three people in my lap that love me. I smile.

I inhale the fragrance of the big boy’s freshly shampooed hair while the baby pushes his wet, messy mouth onto my left sleeve, laughing mischievously.

The baby is about done with this moment. He slides off my lap, then adorably holds up his sock, shocked that it is off his sweet little foot. 

He then runs off to see what he can do while mommy is otherwise occupied.

The big boy still wants to rock with me. I hold his head tenderly under my chin and pat his little bum rhythmically.

I realize that this is bliss, and it can be felt and enjoyed even within a mess.

The moment ends just a touch after, but it is enough to remind me I have all I will ever need.

The only way to have a friend is to be one

I have been thinking about the idea of friendship the past few days. I went through a time not so long ago where I felt really down. I felt like I didn't have a really close friend- best friend - who I could talk to or hang out with any time.

I felt sorry for myself that I moved into a neighborhood with several families that I knew, expecting to become best buddies with all the women, and not seeing it happen instantaneously like I hoped it would. 

I just felt kind of alone, and unwanted, like I wasn't good enough for anyone to want me as a good friend. 

I have always been kind of shy of meeting new people, and I feel very uncomfortable in large group settings where I have to be social. That is one of the reasons I longed for a best friend so that if I were in a social setting, I could just spend time with her and not worry about anyone else. No awkward situations required.

I actually did have someone I considered a best friend several years ago, before I remarried. She and I would hang out at all the church Young Single Adult activities, go to the dances together, go shopping together, go out to eat together, talk on the phone late at night, talk about boys and look at engagement rings for fun - you know, normal best friend stuff.

I was heartbroken when she moved away and decided not to remain my friend. I have never known why, and have reached out several times to try to reconcile. Nothing worked, but ever since that awesome friendship, I had hoped to find another such best friend.

That is understandable, right? One day, when I was really down about it, I posted this on Facebook: 

October 19, 2012 

Does anyone else wish they had a best friend? I feel like I haven't had one of those in years. It's not for lack of trying because I try really hard to genuinely be kind to everyone and help everyone, not to mention get to know people whenever I can by inviting them over. I never seem to get past the friendly acquaintance or friends when we have time stage. What I need more than anything is someone I can call any time I want to talk (and it can be about anything), or want to hang out, and it will be welcomed with enthusiasm and joy. I want someone to see me that way too. We would actually do the things we say we want to do together (make an actual plan) - we wouldn't dream of letting it slide. Forgive the self-pity. I'm just really feeling it today. I hope I am the only one that feels this way, because it really stinks. If you are in the same boat at me, just know I am happy to be your friend.

When I posted this, nearly 20 women responded to me saying they knew how I felt, because they were there, or had been there, too. It touched me, and saddened me at the same time, that so many women were feeling like me.

After I saw that I wasn't the only one, that gave me strength, and I started to pray for help to make friends, and to be a better friend myself.

I don't know how those lovely women are feeling now, but I want to make an update to my feelings from almost 2 1/2 years ago.

My problems aren't over. I am still so uncomfortable in large social settings. I still don't have someone I can call my best friend. However, I have been blessed as the Lord has answered my prayers and brought understanding to my tender heart. Here are some of the things that I have learned:

1. Though having a best friend is a really beautiful thing, I personally cannot grow as well as a person if I cling on to one best friend. Because I am sometimes socially awkward, I need to be stretched and pulled out of my comfort zone.

2. As adults, especially with spouses and kids, we are really busy. We are pulled in so many directions, and our priorities are different than they were when we were younger. However, it is possible to care deeply about someone even if we don't have time to talk on the phone or spend time together on a regular basis.

3. It is a good thing to befriend as many people as you can, and touch as many lives as possible. I have felt so blessed to be given the desire to have different people in my home for dinner, play dates, and girls nights. I have come to know so many wonderful women this way. I can call all of them my friends, and I hope they know that I am there for them when they need me.

4. You can have special friends of all ages, races, religions, political affiliations, cultures, and personalities. As long as we respect one another, our differences make us uniquely able to build each other up.

5. I have a husband, and he can fulfill most of the criteria for a best friend. In the areas he can't, I have my other friends.

6. Your parents, siblings, in-laws, and children can be some of your closest friends because they know you the best and need you the most.Make them a top priority.

7. I have, just like each of you have, special gifts that I can share with others to help their days be a little brighter. I don't have to be called someone's best friend to be admired, appreciated, and loved. If I do my part to bring joy to others, they will call me friend.

8. People are put into your life for a reason. Instead of feeling sorry for myself that I don't have a best friend, I should feel honored that God loves me enough to put special people in my path, and trusts me enough to put me in theirs. I may not be close friends with everyone I meet, but we have something we can give to each other. 

9. It is much more fun to have many women to call my friend. There doesn't have to be special rules around what makes a friend. If you welcome me into your home, you are my friend. If you exercise, bake, go to movies, chill with me, you are my friend. If you love my kids, you are my friend. If you listen to me and give me advice, you are my friend. If you give me a smile and a hug, you are my friend. If you laugh with me and cry with me, you are my friend. If you help motivate me to be a better person, you are my friend. If you appreciate my gifts and talents, and help me feel good about myself, you are my friend. If you share your love of God with me, you are my friend. If you do any of these things, you are my friend. 

10. Whenever I feel sad or alone, I always have Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father as my true friends who love me, are there for me, and want what is best for me.




To all of you reading this, you are my friend. Thank you for your support.