My Beautiful Family

My Beautiful Family

Monday, April 27, 2015

The Biggest lessons we learn come from the Smallest people we love

“Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3–4).

Jesus loves and cherishes little children. God has commanded us to bear children when we are able. The greatest joys we will ever experience will be within our own homes with our little ones.

As we conceive and bear children, we are creators of life. Our children come to us as soft, adorable, innocent babies. We love them with a true love we could never describe. As we feel this overwhelming love, we get a small taste of the love God must have for each of us.


Our little ones rely on us for most everything they need, as we should rely on our Savior for our spiritual needs. Our children love us and trust us more than anyone, which is the relationship we should have with our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ.

One of the reasons we are commanded to bear and raise children is so we learn firsthand how to become like little children, who:

Find beauty and wonder in everything.

Children never get so busy or distracted that they forget to gaze at the sky, listen to the birds sing, watch the bugs crawl, pet the animals, or smell the flowers. They are truly grateful for all of God’s creations.

 



Value the simple things in life.

Little kids don't need much to be happy. They need food to fill their tummies, clothing to keep them warm, a bed to rest in, simple toys to play with, and most importantly, family to love and comfort them. They don’t find joy in material things, but rather in their experiences with those they love most. They smile and laugh more than anyone else because they are satisfied. 




Thirst for knowledge, and are teachable.

Children are curious, and they always have questions. They want to learn new information.  My kids would read books all day if they could, for they are learning new words, learning about different animals, and learning how friends help each other. 


They also want to learn how to do more things - things we do.  When we are cooking dinner, they want to stir the noodles or crack the eggs.  When we are picking the tomatoes from the garden, they want to help pick them too. They want us to teach them how to play sports, how to do magic tricks, how to play the piano. 


Our kids trust us to teach them what they want and need to know. We have a great responsibility as parents to teach them the right things.


Are Active.

As parents, we wish our little ones would just sit still and not always want to do something. What a great trait, though, that they always want to be learning, doing, experimenting, accomplishing.  If we teach them to sit around and play video games and watch TV all day, they may learn to do that, but it is not in their natural characters to vegetate. They thrive off of physical and mental stimulation.


Love themselves.

Little children are comfortable in their own skins. They aren’t embarrassed by their traits or personalities. They are themselves, and they love it.


They seem to most enjoy being themselves around their siblings. They can be anyone and do anything when they are with each other. 




Make friends wherever they go.

Once children get to an age where they start playing with others, they make friends easily. They have conversations with, and play with any kid they meet. They don’t judge by looks, age, or circumstance, and they don’t think they are too good to play with certain kids. They just see a chance to have fun together.


Love unconditionally, give willingly, and forgive immediately.

Little children can love anyone. They do not hold grudges. They forgive as quickly as they get angry.


One of the sweetest things about my kids is that when they get in trouble, they want me to hug and kiss them and hold them, even though I was the one doing the disciplining. It makes it impossible for me to stay angry, and their unconditional love permeates through me, softening my heart.

They also are so sweet to share their food with us, or to do nice things for other family members, like draw pictures or just give sweet kisses. Casey has gotten to an age now where he wants to buy gifts for special occasions, when he can. He bought Rigel a toy for his birthday, and this past Valentine's Day, he bought Jad and I some candy.


Want to be around us all the time.

Our children cherish us. They want to be with us. They want us around to help them with their needs, to give them kisses and hugs, and just to be in the same room as them. There is nobody they would rather cuddle with, nobody they would rather comfort them when they are sad, nobody they would rather sing to them, talk to them, or tell them stories.


My children ask about their daddy every day when he is at work or school. They are sad when he won’t be with them that day, and they pray for him. They also don’t like it those times when I am not there to put them to bed. As parents, we are everything to our little ones.

Desire our approval.

They get upset when we are upset with them. They want us to be proud of them. That is why they proudly show us the picture they drew, or tell us the cool thing that happened at school that day, or show us their empty dinner plate when they eat all their food.  

 

Can tell when we are sad, and want to make it better.

Children’s priorities and countenances change when they see that their strong mother or father is sad.

All my kids, even my oldest, are so discerning. When I cry, or appear low, they will ask me what is wrong with the cutest concern in their tones and eyes. They then proceed to hug me, kiss me, and tell me they love me in the ways they know how. That really does make it all better.

Teach us to be better.

We often hear the phrase “From the mouths of babes.” It is true. Little ones say the most profound truths – truths that are so simple, but so essential.

My son, Rigel, when I am upset, will always ask, “Mommy, can you please be happy?” or “Mommy, can you please be happy with me?” This always stops me in my tracks. If I am distracted with something unimportant, Kamren will take my hand and lead me to play with him or read him a book. My oldest, Casey, though not so little anymore, will have the most wonderful gospel conversations with me. He teaches me lessons he has learned from reading his scriptures.

Are honest.

Little children don't say what they think we want to hear. They call things exactly as they see them.  They are still working on tact, but what a great example they bring. It is true sometimes children lie when they are afraid of getting in trouble, but they don’t do it for any other reason. They don’t want to hurt anyone, and they aren’t trying to betray trust. As a matter of fact, when they realize that is the reaction, they are usually heartbroken.

Follow a lot of rules, just because we tell them to.

We give our children many rules, ranging from cleanliness, to good manners, to safety, to kindness, to routine. We spend much of our day enforcing them. Our children sometimes choose not to obey the rules, but much of the time, they do what we ask, even if they don't understand why, because they love us and trust us. 




Have the light of Christ in their eyes.

Little children are the most precious angels in our lives. They are pure. They are the most like Christ of any other people on this earth. Their countenances shine with His light.


Jesus has commanded us to be like little children for all of these reasons and more. He wants us to apply their sweet traits into our interactions with others, as well as our devotion to and trust in God.  

Sometimes we don’t see all the wonderful things about our little ones because, in our day-to-day lives, there may be an abundance of tantrums, messes and disobedience. I truly believe that these are mingled into our lives to help us feel a little of what our Father in Heaven feels when we do not listen to, obey, or show love to Him. However, His love never falters and He never gives up on us.

We must always appreciate and love our children, as they are little, and as they grow. They bring us true happiness.











Monday, April 13, 2015

My Greatest Fear


How to Kill a Bug in Only 30 Steps:

1. See it on the ledge of your stairwell, jump backwards, and scream!
2. Run as far away from it as you can.
3. Ask your four-year-old if he will kill it.
4. When he looks at you in horror and says no, you realize you must kill it.
5. Breathe deeply.
6. Say a prayer that the experience won't be scary and that you will be unharmed.
7. Grab the vacuum from the hall closet and run upstairs as fast as you can, veering away from where the bug was.
8. Make sure the bug is in the same spot. It is.
9. You plug in the vacuum, and thoughts of how the bug is just sitting there minding its own business, and that it is one of God's creations, run through your mind.
10. You are reminded bugs do not belong in the house, especially ones that are big and ugly, and you start to extend the vacuum hose.
11. You realize that may not be good enough, so you run to the laundry room and grab the first spray bottle you see: Windex.



12. You approach the bug and spray the Windex on it like a mad woman.
13. As the blue liquid starts to roll down the wall of your stairwell, the bug slowly starts to walk away.
14. You pick up the vacuum hose up again, trying to build courage to get close enough to the bug that the vacuum hose will suck it into its dark abyss.
15. Meanwhile, your toddler has come up the stairs and is happily playing right near the bug of death.
16. You scream frantically at him to get out of the way and near you. Why doesn't he realize danger is right above his head???
17. He looks at you like you are strange, but finally comes to you.
18. You ask your 4-year-old one more time if he would like to come kill the bug.
19. He fearfully says that he wants to get in his jeep and drive to Daddy so he can come home and kill it.
20. Taking that as a no, you tell yourself that you have to do this. You can do this.
21. You spray more Windex for good measure, and the bug slowly inches itself further away from you.
22. You very carefully take the vacuum hose, and inch it as close as you can to the bug, still on the stair ledge.


23. He tries to flap his (he has wings?), and you are glad the Windex has weighed him down so he can't fly away.
24. You bravely move the hose one more inch and watch the bug disappear into the black hole.
25. You scream and turn off the vacuum, watching the hose fall to the ground.
26. You ask yourself, is the bug really gone? What if he comes out the other end?
27. After a quick scan, you realize that it is really gone, and slowly put everything away.
28. You clean up the Windex from the ledge, wall, and carpet, because in your panic attack, you accidentally spilled some on the stairs.
29. You look one more time to make sure the bug is gone.


30. You reassure your 4-year-old and yourself that the bug really is gone and it is safe in your home once again. Your toddler continues to play happily as if this traumatizing experience never happened.

So, there you have it: a mere 30 steps to killing a really ugly, brown, flying, and large bug.

I realized these steps this morning before going downstairs for breakfast. I am not exaggerating the steps I took. I am really that scared of huge bugs in my home.

I think my fear came from my dad chasing me with dead bugs when I was a kid. I used to hide in the bathroom with the door locked until he gave up. He still occasionally tries to do the same thing, but now I just get angry and yell at him, and then run away.

Yes, I am a little crazy, in case you couldn't tell before.

As I was pondering these moments later, I realized firstly, that I am a little over-dramatic, but secondly, that there are way scarier things that I could actively fear.

In general, though, despite the increasing violence, decreasing morals, more intolerance in the name of tolerance, and a push to remove God from our nation, I do not live my life in fear.

I attribute that to my faith in Jesus Christ and my relationship with Him and my Heavenly Father. Because of this faith that I have, I do my best to keep God's commandments, fulfill my roles as a woman, mother, wife, sister, teacher and friend as best I can, and strive to make my home a holy place. Because I do that, in partnership with my husband, God is my partner too.

I have the Holy Spirit abundantly in my life helping me see truth, recognize falsehoods, remind me of what spiritual knowledge I have, and help me look at the eternal perspective. This life will be full of experiences that will test my faith, and that of my husband and children, and bring hurt and suffering to us. As long as we keep God first in our family, we will be able to endure those things and come out of them better people. We will also be able to withstand the temptations and deceitfulness of Satan.


Will my fear of bugs ever go away? I am thinking it may not, but that is okay. Bugs are a part of life, and I can't completely control their presence in my home. But, I can control the presence of many other things in my home that could either strengthen or dampen faith, bring the Spirit or drive it away.

My realization of this control, and the implementation of it in my home, is what makes something simple like bugs my greatest fear. I'll take it.





Saturday, April 11, 2015

You are Replaceable

On January 25, 2011, I had my sweet baby boy, Rigel. Up until that day, I had been working full time at the AICPA, and had been, ironically, since January 25, 2007. When Jad and I knew we were going to have a baby, we started discussing what should be done.


Very pregnant me in January 2011

By January, after much contemplation and prayer, I was pretty sure I would not be returning to work after Rigel was born. I planned to start working from home a couple weeks before my due date to avoid going into labor at work, which was a good excuse to clean out my desk and cubicle very well just in case I wouldn't be back. I also was going to have three months of maternity leave, and wanted to give paperwork to the right people, and effectively train the two individuals who would be doing my humongous workload when I was gone. 

After Rigel was born, and I held him and cuddled him, it wasn't long before I knew I really wanted to stay home with him and my older son, Casey. I wanted to be a full time mother, to see my children grow and be there for every special moment. 


Rigel and I right after he was born.

Newborn Rigel and I at home.

I sent an email to my senior manager a month into my leave, expressing that I would not be able to return full time, but that I was willing to come to work part time if there was an opening. I don't have a copy of the reply, but it wasn't what I was hoping to read. I was denied the opportunity to come back, and I don't recall any warmth or appreciation being expressed either. 

This was my Facebook status after I got the reply. I was crushed, but I was so appreciative to my friends who commented on that status, helping me know that I would be missed. 


is thrilled to be able to stay home with her babies, but didn't realize how hard it would be to say goodbye to good old AICPA. I was hoping for a part-time position, but was told no.
Like · Comment · 


April 11, 2011 was the day I went to the AICPA as an employee for the last time. That was the longest elevator ride I had ever taken,this time with my husband and infant. It was the day I would have to clean out my laptop and the rest of my desk, say goodbye to all my friends and associates, and turn in my badge. The exit interview was very emotional, and I felt a part of me was missing when I walked out of those doors to my car, knowing I would never go to another meeting, QA another call, write another page of documentation, or laugh (very loudly) with the people I had grown to admire and love so much.


My team decorated my cubicle the day I found out I was having a boy - 8/30/10

I have been gone from the AICPA for four years, the same amount of time I worked there. When I see pictures of my old coworkers at work, I truly miss the conference rooms, cubicles, and the giving, fun-loving nature of my coworkers.


Christine, a friend and member of my team, threw me a work baby shower at her home - 12/4/10

I miss walking with members of my team during their 15-minute breaks. I miss sitting in the diner eating lunch, though sometimes I would only be there for a few minutes until I had another meeting. I miss team meetings, the birthday parties we celebrated, the one on ones. I even miss the meetings with management, from my department and others (except for the QA meetings. I never liked those). 

I learned so many things from my time at the AICPA - nine months as a specialist doing inbound calls, and over three years as a supervisor of different teams. I went from Phone Response supervisor, to Phone and Email Response supervisor, to Outbound Service and Retention supervisor, consisting of three groups doing three very different functions. It was challenging. At one point I had 13 specialists reporting to me. In my last supervisor role, I also worked very closely with the IT department and the Member Value department. I was constantly writing and editing documentation too.

During those four years at the AICPA, I learned so many valuable lessons, many of which I continue to incorporate on a personal level:

Always be kind to members/customers, even if they are unkind to you.

I remember once a member was so mean to me that I started crying. My supervisor got on the phone and took over for me, defending me, saying I was doing all I could, and the member should not take his frustrations out on someone who was only trying to help him.

In this job position, I was always taught to stay kind and respectful regardless of how I was being treated on the phone. Phone and email specialists are the face of the AICPA, and our professionalism weighs heavily on the perception people have of our organization.

Ironically, the members and customers who got the angriest usually got what they wanted - something they didn't deserve. At what cost, though? Crushing a specialist's self-esteem, bullying your way to what you want, and being talked about in the office as a difficult member? 

Kindness and courtesy go a long way on both ends.

If you hold yourself to a high standard of excellence, you will be asked to do more. As you take on more responsibilities, and do them well, this will lead to greater opportunities.

I was thrilled to be promoted to supervisor after only nine months of being a specialist. It was such an honor, and I think one of the reasons I got promoted was because I was constantly asking for special projects to do. I expressed interest in learning more and doing more, all the while doing my best in my required functions.

To be most efficient in a work environment, you must also have fun.

This was something I feel I did well. I always had names for my teams. My first team was the Phunny Pharm. We had a Pheel Good Jar where we wrote kind notes to each other before every team meeting and passed them out. It really did lift spirits. We also had snacks at every team meeting, and a game, along with business. I often brought treats to work and passed them out to anyone who wanted them. We celebrated every specialist's birthday on my team, and I did superlatives and other recognitions. We also talked socially as a team, and just had a good time. I held everyone to a high standard, but tried to make work fun too.

Take a break. If you work too hard, you will be too stressed to be productive.

There would literally be days when I was a supervisor when my entire Outlook calendar was filled with meetings and other responsibilities from 8-5. I wouldn't even had time for lunch, so I would just wolf something down at my desk. Those were terrible days, and I would always go home in a bad mood. Taking a walk, eating a lunch without distraction, and having some breather room, makes so much of a difference in the quality of your day, and your capacity to give.

Laugh a lot. It's contagious.

My team, and others, used to always tease me for my very loud, bell-like laugh, a laugh that They always knew when I was coming.

Smile and speak kindly to everyone.

Sometimes management can be intimidating, and seen as all work and numbers. If management is kind to everyone, it levels the playing field, and also builds relationships among teams, who often tend to be competitive.

In contrast, as you are always friendly with your superiors, they know you trust them and would go to them for guidance and advice. That helps them feel that you like and respect them, but also that you want to know more and be more than you currently do and are.

Even if you don't like someone, do your best to be friendly and show appreciation. This will greatly improve collaboration and cooperation.

There were a couple people here and there over the years I didn't like very much at work. There was one in particular who annoyed me a lot. One day, I decided to implement a new strategy, which was showing interest in her interests, complimenting her, being kind and talking to her socially, and not just in meetings. That really improved how we worked together in the future, and my respect for her grew.

When someone comes to talk to you, stop what you are doing, and give him/her your full attention. You should not multitask when someone is speaking to you about an urgent/important matter. 

One of my managers taught me this, and though I had so much work to do, that it was really hard to take my fingers off the keyboard, I tried to implement that advice. I can't say I was always successful, but I do know that when I did, I got the full message the first time, and did not have to clarify a question or concern.

Respond to requests as quickly as you can. This builds trust, and helps those you serve know you are their advocate.

Because I had had experience with a supervisor who was not timely in answering emails, and a manager who answered emails but didn't always answer the question, I realized the value of reading and responding to my specialists' emails as quickly as possible. I also encouraged them to just come to my desk and talk to me personally. I tried to be as helpful and positive as possible.

If you care about those you supervise and make their success a priority, they will be more motivated, work harder, and enjoy work more.

I really feel strongly about this. As a supervisor or manager, you have a responsibility to make sure your team performs at a high level of efficiency and quality. Sometimes it can be easy to concentrate only on numbers, and put individuals down when they don't perform exactly right. When you change your approach, show them individually you care about their success, ask how you can help them every day, and work with them on a regular basis, while listening to their ideas and concerns, it makes so much of a difference. 

Provide feedback in a constructive manner. Always start with positive feedback and then move on to the opportunities. Let the person know you want to help him/her succeed.

As a supervisor, I did one on ones with each of my specialists either bi-weekly or monthly, depending on their positions. Sometimes, I had to give feedback on performance that was less than satisfactory. That is hard and intimidating. I learned, though, that if I concentrated on what they did well first, it softened my tone enough that I could give the constructive criticism in a way that wasn't offensive. I always expressed a desire to help my employees succeed, and offered , as well as asked for, suggestions to do so.

When someone is performing at a very low level, you work as much as you can to help him/her start meeting expectations, rather than just turning your back.

Sometimes you will have an employee who is just awful, either with a bad attitude or really poor skills. You can't just give up and throw in the towel. You have to be patient and work with that person in every way you can, with specific, documented steps. Sometimes people will be let go, and if that happens, you should be perfectly satisfied that you did all you could, and that you stayed their advocate until the end.

If you are annoyed or offended, do not send that nasty email. Save it as a draft, and go back to it later, after you have calmed down and gained some perspective.

I never got in trouble formally at work, but once, when I was still a specialist, I had taken on an additional responsibility of writing a training quiz. I got some feedback on it from a manager, that offended me, and I felt wasn't correct. I sent a passionate email expressing my feelings. My supervisor had to speak to me about it, and I promptly apologized. From then on, I always took a breather before responding to an email that I didn't like, or I just spoke to the person in person. 

Another point about nasty emails: I had a manager that would periodically sent me a rude email asking why something was done or wasn't done, or why it was done in the wrong way. It would inevitably upset me, but mostly annoy me, as he was almost always incorrect in his accusations. In my management role, I tried not to do that, but rather talk to a person one on one if I had a concern.

Be passionate, but not too passionate; don't sweat the small stuff; and look at the bigger picture. 

That was one of my biggest faults at the AICPA as a supervisor. When I saw injustices, especially in QA, I was very passionate about defending my cause, or the cause of one of my employees. There would inevitably be tension in the room, and often, I still didn't get my way. You need to be passionate enough to care that things are done fairly, but also see that there are other perspectives out there other than your own. Sometimes I would sweat the small stuff by being mad that others were sweating the small stuff. That really isn't productive. 

Don't be afraid to express concerns, but always be respectful and provide proof to validate them.

There were so many occasions, especially in my last supervisor role, when demands were made that just could not realistically be met. I had to speak with my senior manager often in his office about these things. I usually had reports to prove my concerns, many of which were made by one of my awesome employees. I strived to be respectful of what upper management said, but I still expressed my concerns rather than keeping them inside. I had my team to advocate for, and if I said nothing, and simply bowed down to every command, my specialists would not have respected me, and would not have wanted to come to work, knowing they couldn't accomplish what was required of them.

It isn't us against them. We are all working together for a common goal. 

I was in the Service Center during my whole four years. There would often be annoyances from my department toward the IT  department, and mostly the Member Value department. I had to learn to give the benefit of the doubt, realize every team has pressures of their own, and train myself to really believe we were all working toward a common goal. I made it a priority to just communicate better, and stay kind.

The most profound truth I learned came after I left the AICPA, and that is that I was replaceable.

It really hurt to know I put my heart and soul, and blood, sweat and tears into my job at the AICPA for years, and when I left, everyone moved on. Someone else took my position, and business continued as usual. I don't know what I was expecting - management to beg me to stay perhaps. 

No matter how well you do at your job, no matter how many awards or bonuses you get, no matter how many policies and procedures you implement, no matter how many documents you write, no matter how many meetings you go to, no matter how many problems you identify and help fix, no matter how many people you train, no matter how much you are trusted to get the job done, you are replaceable in the workforce. 

It was like a punch in the gut to realize that. Now, though, I have found that truth to be a remarkable blessing. It has really reaffirmed and validated my husband's and my decision for me to stay home and raise my children.



To them, I am irreplaceable. Only I know what they desire, what they need, how to calm them down, what to sing to them, which books to read to them, what their favorite toys and blankets are. Nobody can kiss their boo boos like I can, or teach them that Jesus loves them like I can, or love them and cherish them like I can. They need me, they love me, and they miss me when I am not there. I am irreplaceable as their mother as long as I teach them in light and truth, show them love, and care for them body and soul. 



I will always cherish my time at the AICPA, especially the friendships I formed, and the lessons I learned. I will never forget any of you, and I love keeping up with you as best I can. Thank you for your examples that help me be a better person and mother.