Sabbath Day Light: A talking donkey spoke to me

This week in Sunday School, we discussed the story of Balaam, a prophet whom King Balak enticed many times to curse the Israelites.


You can read a full description of the story here. I found it very interesting and enlightening.


There are so many lessons to be learned from it, such as the need to obey God's commandments with exactness , to not be tempted by worldly treasures, and to accept and follow answers to prayer, instead of trying to get God to change His will.


The point that moved me the most, though, came  from the encounter with Balaam and his donkey, who he thought was mocking him by not proceeding forth on their journey, but rather stopping, or turning, or falling down. Balaam beat his donkey, and after the donkey was allowed by God to speak, realized that the donkey in fact was saving him from death.





I thought about how as people we often are quick to get angry and quick to be offended. Often when we choose to feel this way, we lash out irrationally, usually without knowing all the facts.


Most of the time, when someone seemingly hurts us, it isn't intentional. Most people aren't out to hurt us or bring us down. Sometimes people just have bad days, fumble something they say, forget a promise they have made, or are just speaking or doing what they usually do, not realizing it may not be the best way to communicate.


Sometimes we just don't have all the facts. We only see one piece of the puzzle, and rather than seek out the rest of pieces, we make assumptions - assumptions which lead to bitterness, lashing out, awkwardness, or gossip.


Then there are times when people really are out to hurt us. It could be a stranger, a peer, or even someone we love.
In those cases, we really have no choice but to be angry and offended, right? We aren't in the wrong if we lash out, either physically, verbally, or nonverbally because that person deserves it, correct? Isn't that just justice?


That is the common response, but in reality, anger is a CHOICE.


A leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS church), Elder Lynn G. Robbins, said: 


“A cunning part of his [Satan’s] strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control. We hear, ‘I lost my temper.’ Losing one’s temper is an interesting choice of words that has become a widely used idiom. To ‘lose something’ implies ‘not meaning to,’ ‘accidental,’ ‘involuntary,’ ‘not responsible’—careless perhaps but ‘not responsible.’


“‘He made me mad.’ This is another phrase we hear, also implying lack of control or agency. This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose! To those who say, ‘But I can’t help myself,’ author William Wilbanks responds, ‘Nonsense.’


“‘Aggression, … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling,’ are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. ‘We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?’ (‘The New Obscenity,’ Reader’s Digest, Dec. 1988, 24; italics added)” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 105; or Ensign, May 1998, 80).


If anger is a choice, why do we choose it? Does it solve anything?


The living prophet of the LDS church, Thomas S. Monson said, “Anger does not solve anything; it builds nothing. To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible.”

Looking at the scriptures, Jesus Christ taught,

“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. …

“For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

“And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:43–44, 46–48).

It is interesting that just before commanding us to be perfect, the Lord counsels us to love our neighbors and our enemies. This is not easy, but as President Monson said, it is possible.

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the LDS church, declared, "One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended..."

Are we mature people, especially in things of the Spirit? I personally know I need to take my own advice, as well as the counsel of these great men, especially my Savior.

Let's try to take more breaths, think more rationally, give more benefits of the doubt, seek more clarification, and love more dearly. Let us also try harder not to be the one causing the hurt, whether intentionally or unintentionally. All we have to do is try to see perspectives outside our own.

Join with me! Let's be more spiritually mature together. Let's choose the better part.

Thank you, talking donkey, for speaking to me.

Sabbath Day Light: Women of faith united

This Sunday, as everyone knows, was Mother's Day. The whole day was wonderful, and during every minute of church, the Spirit was there so strongly.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe in the divine nature of men and women. During church, it really hit me that women really do have special characteristics and qualities that help them be good mothers, loyal servants of Christ, and devoted friends, to name just a few.


I love women, and I love being a woman. Womanhood should be celebrated and embraced. We are all so special and unique, and have been given special God-given gifts individually, and collectively, as women.


In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there is an organization called the Relief Society, of which I, and all women in my church, ages 18 and up, belong. It is actually the oldest and largest women's organization in the world, being organized in 1842.


If you would to read the beautiful Relief Society declaration, please click here.


Each Sunday, during the third hour of church, the women of the Relief Society meet together and are spiritually fed. We are taught and participate in lessons that help us strengthen our faith in Jesus Christ, and find ways to strengthen our homes and families. We also meet about once a month to have an activity where we learn new skills and bond with each other as sisters.





Not only do the Relief Society sisters meet together often, but we also strive to continuously help each other. In our church, we are very service-oriented. In each congregation, there are a couple sisters who communicate with women who currently have specific needs, and then coordinate with the rest of us to help them. It could be anything from a visit, to babysitting, to a meal.


Most of we women in the Relief Society are also assigned specific other women to keep in contact with, teach spiritual lessons to, serve, and befriend. By doing this, what we call visiting teaching, we are making sure that all women in our congregation, and whole church, feel loved, cared for, and spiritually nourished outside of church.


This Sunday during our Relief Society meeting, we actually discussed how to be better visiting teachers. It's not about checking off that you made contact with someone each month. It's so much more than that. It is about friendship, service, and Christ-like love. Many women in our congregation spoke of specific experiences where they felt so loved by their visiting teachers. It has invigorated my desire to show more love and help to all the women I currently visit teach, and to those I will in the future.


I feel so blessed to be a part of such a large and long-lasting organization, whose purpose is to help ourselves and others be the best women, sisters, mothers, wives, and daughters of God we can be.


We of the Relief Society hold our hands out to each woman in the world to be a part of us. All you have to do is come, and there will be women there to call you their sister. The Lord smiles down on those who love Him - and those who love Him, love their fellow man... and woman.





If you are interested in learning more about my church and the Relief Society program, you can input your address here to find a congregation location and time. I promise you will be welcomed with open arms.

100 things the Book of Mormon has taught me

Last week I completed my fourth and final semester studying the Book of Mormon, along with other sisters who I have come to love dearly. The first two semesters, I was blessed to be taught by a wonderful sister. Then the last two semesters, I had the blessed responsibility of teaching the class. In both roles, I grew as a person and as a daughter of God. I also learned to love the Book of Mormon more than I ever had before in my life.

I want to share with you 100 beautiful truths from the Book of Mormon that have helped, and continue to help me, in my journey to be more like my Savior.

1. The Lord provides a way for us to follow His commands (1 Nephi 3:7).
2. The Lord can do all things for us, that are His will,  if we have faith in Him (1 Nephi 7:12).
3. Sometimes the Lord commands us to do things for a purpose we don't understand (1 Nephi 9:5).
4. If we listen to the word of God, and follow it, the devil can't overpower us (1 Nephi 15:24).
5. We receive strength as we obey God's commandments (1 Nephi 17:3).
6. Regardless of our afflictions, we should praise God and not murmur (1 Nephi 18:16).
7. Jesus Christ offered himself as a sacrifice for sin. Only through His mercy and grace, can those who believe return to God's presence (2 Nephi 2:6-8).
8. Everything must have its opposite. You cannot have one without the other (2 Nephi 2:11-13).
9. We all have our free agency to choose to follow Christ or the devil (2 Nephi 2:27, 2 Nephi 10:23).
10. Those who trust man instead of God are cursed (2 Nephi 4:34).
11. The Lord admonishes us to listen to Him and not be afraid of men, for they die. The Lord and His righteousness are forever (2 Nephi 8:7-8, 12).
12. The Lord will bless you and give you knowledge if you are humble. He despises those who  value riches and knowledge of men more than His counsel (2 Nephi 9:28-30, 42).
13.  We are saved by grace after all we can do (2 Nephi 25:23).
14. People will say they have a bible and don't need another bible. The Lord answers by saying He loves His people all over the world and He will visit all nations after His resurrection. A written testimony of two nations is a witness of Him, and that He remembers all nations (2 Nephi 29:-78).
15. The Lamb of God was holy, yet He was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. We who are unholy, must be baptized to show obedience to God and His commandments (2 Nephi 31:5-7).
16. After we are baptized, we still have work to do to receive eternal life. We must stay faithful, love God and our neighbors, follow the word of Christ, etc. (2 Nephi 19-20).
17. After we are baptized and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, we can speak by the power of the Holy Ghost. As we study our scriptures, we will know what we should do (2 Nephi 32:2-3, 5).
18. Pray always. Don't do anything unto the Lord without praying first for help (2 Nephi 32:9).
19. Seek for the kingdom of God before you seek for riches. If you do obtain riches, use them to do good to others, for we are all precious to God (Jacob 2:18-21).
20. When we serve others, we are serving God. If we praise, thank and serve God all our lives with our whole souls, we will still be unprofitable servants. All we have to do is keep His commandments, and we are blessed. We will always be indebted to Christ, and have no reason to ever boast of ourselves (Mosiah 2:17, 20-24).
21. We must be like little children and put off the natural man, else we are an enemy to God (Mosiah 3:18-19).
22. God created all things, has all wisdom, and all power. We can't comprehend what He can (Mosiah 4:9).
23. We should teach our children to keep God's commandments and to love and serve others. We should not withhold our help from those who need it, saying they deserve what they get. We are all beggars and rely on God for all (Mosiah 4:14-19).
23. We must watch our thoughts, words and deeds, and keep God's commandments, else we will perish (Mosiah 4:30).
24. When we are baptized, we make a covenant to be obedient to all of God's commands, all our lives. When we make this covenant, we are called the children of Christ. We must remember Him always. How can we know Him if we do not serve Him and keep Him in our hearts? (Mosiah 4:5-13).
25. The Lord will not help those who are filthy and wicked. He will only lead those out of bondage who trust and serve Him (Mosiah 7:29-33).
26. When we are baptized, we promise to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places (Mosiah 18:9).
27. The Lord will forgive those who repent. We should forgive each other as well. If we don't, then we will not be forgiven of our sins (Mosiah 26:30-31).
28. The judgments of God are always just, but the judgments of man are not (Mosiah 29:12).
29. Alma asks many questions to see if his people are prepared for salvation. These are great questions to ponder and see how you are doing in your path of righteousness (Alma 5:14-32).
30. The word of God must be fulfilled, regardless if people reject it (Alma 5:58).
31. To walk blameless before God, we must be humble, gentle, patient, grateful, etc (Alma 7:23-24).
32. Christ has loosed the bands of temporal death. All will be resurrected (Alma 11:43-44).
33. Those with soft hearts receive more of God's word than those who harden their hearts (Alma 12:10).
34. This life is a time to prepare to meet God (Alma 12:24).
35. Do not procrastinate the day of your repentance, but instead watch and pray continually and have faith, and a hope of eternal life. (Alma 13:27-30)
36. Who can glory too much in the Lord? (Alma 26:16).
37. God is mindful of all people and is merciful unto them (Alma 26:37).
38. What profit is it to labor in a church if you don't get paid? It is to rejoice in the joy of others (Alma 30:34-35).
39. All things denote there is a God (Alma 30:44).
40. The Lord provides strength, comfort and patience to those who suffer afflictions, as long as they pray in faith (Alma 31:30-38).
41. It is better to humble yourself because of God's word than to be compelled to be humble (Alma 32:12-16).
42. Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge, but a hope for things which are not seen, which are true (Alma 32:21).
43. Faith begins with a desire to believe. Alma the younger, a prophet, compares the word of God unto a seed and explains how it can grow and bring forth fruit to you (Alma 32:27-43).
44. By small and simple things God brings about great things, including the salvation of souls (Alma 37:6-7).
45.  The Lord keeps His promises, and always has (Alma 37:17).
46. If you counsel with the Lord, He will direct you. Those who pray daily and have hearts filled with gratitude daily will be lifted up at the last day (Alma 37:37).
47. You cannot hide your crimes from God. You must repent of your sins (Alma 39:8).
48. Do not seek after riches, for you can't take them with you (Alma 39:14).
49. Wickedness never was happiness. Those who do not follow God cannot be happy (Alma 41:10-11).
50. Christ's atonement has brought about the plan of mercy and appeases the demands of justice by allowing us to repent of our sins (Alma 42:13-15).
51. War is justified to protect families, lands, rights and religion (Alma 43:46-47).
52. God will preserve the faithful. The Lord will not allow a people to be destroyed unless they fall into transgression and deny their faith (Alma 44:4).
53. Captain Moroni's character is explained, and then it issaid that if all people were like him, the devil could have no power over anyone (Alma 48:11-13, 17).
54. If you do not doubt, God will deliver you from your enemies (Alma 56:47-48).
55. Joy  and pureness of heart comes from humility and giving your heart to God (Helaman 3:35).
56. If you build your foundation on the rock of Christ, the devil cannot drag you  down into misery and despair. Those who build a sure foundation cannot fall (Helaman 5:12).
57. Samuel, a Lamanite prophet, prophesies that the night before Christ is born, there will be no darkness, but a day and a night and a day of only light. A new star will arise and signs and wonders will come from Heaven (Helaman 14:3-6).
58. Jesus must die so that the dead can be resurrected. His death redeems mankind and, through repentance, allows all to enter back into the presence of God (Helaman 14: 15-18).
59. Samuel prophesies that upon Christ's death, there will be darkness until He is resurrected. During this period of darkness, there will be terrible natural disasters, changing the face of the whole earth, above and beneath (Helaman 14:20-27).
60. The words of the prophets are fulfilled every whit (3 Nephi 1:20).
61. Christ extends His mercy to all who come to Him (3 Nephi 9:14).
62. Heavenly Father speaks to the Nephites in the land Bountiful, and testifies of His beloved son. Jesus descends out of heaven and stands in their midst. He speaks of his atoning sacrifice and invites the multitude to thrust their hands into His side, and feel the prints in His hands and feet (3 Nephi 11:7-15).
63. Jesus instructs the prophet Nephi on how baptism should be done - in His name, having proper authority, and by immersion (3 Nephi 11:21-26).
64. Contention and anger are of the devil (3 Nephi 11:29-30).
65. Jesus speaks the Beatitudes to the Nephites, just as He did at the Sermon on the Mount (3 Nephi
12:3-12).
66. The Father knows what you need before you ask Him (3 Nephi 13:8).
67. If you first seek the kingdom of Heaven, you will be blessed with your temporal needs (3 Nephi 13:33).
68. Do not judge others. First look at yourself and what you need to change before you point out others' faults (3 Nephi 14:1-5).
69. Only those who do the will of the Father will enter the kingdom of Heaven (3 Nephi 14:21).
70. When Christ told the Jews that He had other sheep which were not of this fold, they thought He meant the Gentiles. However, Jesus tells the Nephites that this is not so; that the other sheep are them and other people around the world that He would visit after His resurrection  (3 Nephi 15:16-24).
71. Just as in His mortal ministry, Jesus, full of compassion, heals the sick. He then blesses the children one by one and prays for them. Angels descend out of heaven and minister to the little ones (3 Nephi 17:6-25).
72. Jesus ordains a disciple with power to bless and administer the bread and wine to all those who are baptized in His name. Partaking of the bread and wine shows Heavenly Father that we remember Jesus and keep His commandments. He promises that if the people remember Him, they will always have His Spirit to be with them. Those who partake worthily of these emblems are built upon His rock (3 Nephi 18:5-12).
73. Jesus commands us to watch and pray always to avoid temptation. Satan want to overtake us. Anything we ask the Father in Christ's name will be given to us as long as we ask in faith and it is God's will. Jesus commands us to pray in our families (3 Nephi 18:15-21).
74. Jesus says to meet together often and to accept all people into the congregation of the church. Pray for them. Set an example for them, as He has set for us (3 Nephi 18:22-24).
75. The words of Isaiah are great, and all things that he prophesied have been and shall be (3 Nephi 23:1-3).
76. Jesus Christ's church should bear His name, and should be built upon His gospel, or else it be another man's church (3 Nephi 27:3-8).
77. All will be judged by Jesus Christ according to their works. All who repent, are baptized, and endure to the end will be held guiltless before the Father on judgment day (3 Nephi 27:13-17).
78. We should do what Jesus would and did do. We should be like Him (3 Nephi 27:21, 27).
79. The way to eternal life is strait and narrow. Few will find it (3 Nephi 27:33).
80. The judgments of God will overtake the wicked. (Mormon 4:5).
81. The Book of Mormon shall be hidden until the Lord sees fit for it to be brought forth. Its purpose will be to persuade the House of Israel that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God (Mormon 5:12-14).
82. God has all power, and at His command anything can come to pass (Mormon 5:23).
83. Mormon invites the Lamanites of the latter days to repent, to be baptized and to take hold of the gospel of Christ, set forth in the Bible and the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is written to help people believe in the Bible. If you will believe the Bible, you will believe the Book of Mormon too (Mormon 7:8-9).
84. Moroni prophesies about the coming forth of the Book of Mormon. It will only be able to come forth by the power of God by one whose eye is single to His glory. It shall come forth in a time where people no longer believe in miracles, when churches and teachers are lifted up in pride, when there are wars and rumors of wars, great pollutions and sin upon the earth, etc. (Mormon 8:14-33).
85. Miracles have not ceased. Because God is the same yesterday, today and forever, miracles still happen for the faithful. They only cease for the wicked (Mormon 9:15-21).
86. The promised land (the Americas) will be free from bondage from all other nations as long as its people serve Jesus Christ (Ether 2:9-10, 12).
87. Anything that persuades to do good is from God (Ether 4:12).
88. Do not say something doesn't exist because you can't see it or have proof. You will not receive a witness until after your faith is tried  (Ether 12: 6).
89. Miracles only occur when one first has faith in the son of God (Ether 12:12-18).
90. God gives us weakness so we will be humble. If we are humble and have faith, God will make our weaknesses strengths (Ether 12:27).
91. In the church of Christ, members will fellowship each other and help each other keep the faith. They will meet often to fast, pray, help each other, and to partake of the Sacrament in remembrance of the Lord, Jesus Christ (Moroni 6:4-6).
92. A good person will do good things. When offering a gift or praying, we must do so with real intent to do good (Moroni 7: 5-10).
93. All things of God invite one to do good. We all have been given the light of Christ, which helps us discern between good and evil. The devil never persuades anyone to do good (Moroni 7:12-17).
94. We must have charity. It is the pure love of Christ, and never fails. We must pray to the Father to be filled with His love, and be like Christ (Moroni 7:45-48).
95. Little children are not capable of committing sin. They are not accountable and need no repentance. Thus, they do not need to be baptized. They are alive in Christ (Moroni 8).
96. Perfect love removes all fear (Moroni 8:16).
97. As we are forgiven of our sins, we become more gentle and not easily offended. With these traits, we are filled with the Holy Ghost, which brings hope and perfect love. This love can endure through diligent prayer (Moroni 8:26).
98. Moroni promises that those who ask Heavenly Father in sincere, faithful prayer if the Book of Mormon is true, will receive an answer through the Holy Ghost, who testifies of all truth (Moroni 10:4-5).
99. God has given us many different spiritual gifts. They are manifested to us by the Holy Spirit to help us and others draw closer to Christ (Moroni 10:8-18).
100. If we come unto Christ and deny ourselves of all ungodliness, loving the Lord with all our hearts, we can be perfected and made holy through His grace (Moroni 10:32-33).


This is by no means an all-inclusive list. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of precious truths we can pull from this perfect book. Throughout it, we read of  prophets of God who were courageous, bold, true, always obedient, filled with love for their brethren, all having a pure love of God and a desire to share His light and gospel with others.





The most perfect example from the Book of Mormon is Jesus Christ Himself. The words he spoke to the Nephite people, whom He visited in the Americas following His resurrection, are of supreme value.


As I went through the Book of Mormon's 531 pages, making this list, I was overwhelmed with how often Jesus Christ is mentioned, praised, prophesied of, and reverenced. The Book of Mormon truly is a companion to the Bible - another testament of Jesus Christ.



I know it is true. I invite you to read it and to pray about it to see if it is true for yourself. Let the Spirit of the Lord work within you, and testify to you of its truthfulness.

You can read it online here , or you can request a free hard copy here.

Of all the self-help books you could ever choose to read, choose The Book of Mormon.

Reminiscing about a miracle

Since yesterday my mind has been filled with memories of my youngest baby, who is one year old today. I have felt sad that he is growing up so fast. I have also felt excitement about celebrating this wonderful milestone today. Mostly, though, I have felt an overwhelming gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the miracles surrounding Kamren's birth. I know from that experience, and others, that God knows me. He loves me. He is aware of me. I also know that sometimes we go through trials so He can remind us of His presence in our lives, if we only turn to Him.

Happy birthday to my beautiful baby, and much love and gratitude to my Heavenly Father for this miracles He has bestowed to me and my family.

Please read below about the miracles that happened on May 5, 2013. 

To my cousin earlier in April I said: “Lisa, don’t you want to wait until closer to the time Kamren is due to come visit? If you come the weekend of the 4^th, he won’t be born yet.”

To many family members and friends throughout April up until even May 4 I said: “I don’t think I’m going to have this baby early. If he’s like Casey and Rigel, he will most likely be late.”

To Lisa Hagan around 8:30 PM on May 4 I said: “No, I haven’t had the baby yet. Thanks for checking up on me, though. I am doing fine.”

No, I never in a million years expected what was going to happen to me a few hours after going to bed the night of Saturday, May 4. I went to bed tired, but it had been a very productive day of yard-saling, spending time with family at the Hibachi Buffet and then at my house, having barbeque ribs at our neighbors’ house, and even taking a walk before putting the kids to bed.

Before we said our personal prayers for the night, Jad said he hadn’t been able to think of a good personal reason to fast for Fast Sunday the next day. I told him that it would be a good idea, since Kamren would be born sometime this month, for him to fast that Kamren would have a safe and healthy delivery and birth. Nothing could have been more appropriate and important to fast for that night.

We went to bed around 11 or so, just a little while after my cousin, Lisa, got to our house. After just a few short hours of sleep, I awoke sometime between 1:30 and 2 AM. I felt terrible, like I had awful indigestion. I told Jad how I was feeling, and he immediately turned on the light and asked if we were going to have a baby tonight. I reassured him that no, that wasn’t going to happen, and asked him to get me some Tums.

I took the Tums and drank some water, thinking I would feel better. I tried to go back to sleep, but then I felt what seemed to be a contraction. I asked for my phone, and Jad again asked me if we needed to go to the hospital. I didn’t want to come to any rash conclusions, so I said I didn’t think so, but I had a contraction and wanted to time any others that came. I felt another two contractions, and they were a minute or less apart. If you know anything about labor, you know that when contractions are that close together, the baby is coming pretty soon.

 I must have still been in denial though, because I did not feel a need to freak out or tell Jad how far apart they were. I focused instead on how I still felt I needed to go to the bathroom. I tried to go, and this time I felt my water break, but it was weird because it was almost like the water was pouring down around something, rather than in a gush straight down. Jad noticed blood in the water, and I finally decided it was time to call the midwife pager.

The midwife, Stephanie, called back in a minute or so (around 2:10). I told her what had happened and she told us to come on to the hospital. Time was going in slow motion for me and I had a very hard time making decisions. I knew I wanted to take a shower. I was a lot less hurried than Jad, who got dressed in seconds and was ready to go.

I suddenly felt an incredibly strong urge to go to the bathroom, and in a high pitched, frantic voice, I told Jad to leave so I could do so, and that I couldn’t go to the hospital until I did.

Jad left the room like I asked and went to ask Lisa about staying with the children while we went to the hospital. When Jad was with Lisa, I felt like I had no control over my bowels and that I had to push hard. I did so, and I started to scream loudly I am sure because of pain, but mostly because I felt something very large start to emerge from my body. It scared me to death.

Immediately reacting to my scream, Jad ran into the bathroom. I didn’t know this at the time, but he saw the crown of Kamren’s head, with all its dark hair. While I was continuing to scream loudly enough to wake the neighbors, he started to run the bath water. I remember wondering why he felt the need to do that. He later said it was because he thought I might be able to have the baby in the bathtub.

As I was screaming, I continued to push because that was all my body wanted to do, and Jad started to yell for my cousin to come help us. She told us later she was really scared and didn’t know what to do at first. She heard Rigel wake up and decided to calm him down as she determined she could do the most good with him.

Very soon, Jad saw Kamren’s head in its entirety. At this point, I knew for a fact I was going to have my baby right then in my bathroom. I was so afraid, and I kept crying out ‘’my baby, my baby.”  I really had no idea what would happen to him or me once he was born.

At this point, Jad, who was also quite scared, came to me as he was calling my mom, who didn’t answer. It turns out that my mom’s phone got a voicemail with me screaming ‘my baby, my baby.’ She didn’t notice it until later. I am kind of afraid to listen to it even now.

 Though I have no recollection of how often I pushed, I apparently pushed one more time, and once Jad saw the beginning of his shoulder, the baby fell quickly out of my body at 2:15 AM. (To get some perspective, everything that happened after the midwife called up until the birth happened in only five minutes.)

In an instant I saw my baby’s head looking up at me in between my legs in the bloody toilet bowl. He let out a little cry and I lost it. I think I was nearly hyperventilating as I screamed over and over again, “Oh my God.” I had to pray to Heavenly Father later to apologize for using his name in vain.

 You may wonder how the baby ended up head up in the toilet, rather than head down. Jad said when he came out, his body slid up the contour of the bowl and then the bottom half of his body fell in the water.

While I was freaking out, Jad immediately took Kamren out of the bowl. He noticed that the umbilical cord was tugging at his belly button, and realized the placenta had also emerged already. He lifted up the placenta out of the toilet and placed it on top of the baby. He took Kamren, along with the placenta to the bathtub to clean up his eyes and nose. Blood was dripping all over the place, so much so that we later compared our bathroom to a murder scene.

I screamed out that we needed to call 911. Jad did so, but soon got frustrated and said the call wasn’t going through. He said, “I’m dialing 919. Why isn’t it working!?” Though that seems funny now, it wasn’t at the time, and I frantically said, “No, it’s 911!”

I ended up dialing 911 while Jad called my mom and told her to dial 911 and tell the operator that the baby was here. I found out later she had no idea the baby was born (she just thought I was in labor), but found out from the operator upon dialing 911.

When the 911 operator answered my call, I worriedly told her that I had just had a baby in my house and didn’t know what to do.

She asked for my address and then said to clean the baby’s nose and mouth, which Jad had already done.  Then she told us to wrap him in a clean, dry towel. I momentarily inwardly panicked because I didn’t have a clean dry towel near me and going out to the linen closet would be a very messy ordeal. So, I chose my towel since I figured it was cleaner than Jad’s. We wrapped the baby in it and Jad cleaned off his nose and mouth again.

The operator asked about the placenta and if I had delivered it yet. Since I had, she asked that it be wrapped up as well. Jad grabbed my nightgown off the floor without hesitation and wrapped the bloody glob in it.

Next she told Jad to find a shoelace to tie around the umbilical cord, about six inches from the baby’s belly button. She said not to pull on the placenta. Luckily, our closet was right by the bathroom. Jad handed me the baby for the first time and then grabbed a shoelace out of one of his nice church shoes.

The operator told me to stay on the line with her until the ambulance came. At this point, Rigel had calmed down, so Lisa decided to come over to the bathroom to see if we needed help. She said as she walked into our bedroom, she could smell the blood and expected a mess to say the least.  I don’t remember us saying much, just kind of looking at each other with little, weak smiles. I’m glad she didn’t look freaked out. She actually thought I looked great for just having had a baby and that she felt comfort that all would be well with us.

Jad asked Lisa to unlock the door so the EMTs could come in when they arrived.

 A couple minutes later, two men walked into my bathroom. Imagine how you would react seeing a bathroom covered in blood. I thought of that and apologized for the mess, also being embarrassed about being mostly naked sitting on a toilet seat. One of them said it was okay and that these things happen. I think I felt a little better after that.

Just then, a couple women came with a wheelchair and other equipment. They asked me to sit down in the chair. They understood my embarrassment at standing up without pants, so they had a blanket ready to wrap around me, thank goodness. I gave Kamren back to Jad, which I am sure I didn’t like doing, and sat in the chair. I was wheeled down the hall and carried down the stairs. That was kind of scary.

On the front porch was a stretcher. Somehow I was put on it and rolled to the ambulance, but all I remember thinking was, are my neighbors peeking out their windows looking at me right now? At the time, it seemed like there was more than one ambulance, but Jad told me later there was only one, just that the red light was reflecting off the truck. I must have been really out of it.

I didn’t know this, but Jad told me that they put an oxygen mask on Kamren as Jad carried him to the ambulance.

When I was put in the ambulance, I told the EMTs we needed our bags. I am glad I said that or otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten any pictures of the beginning of Kamren’s life. While all this was happening, my mom, brother and sister had hopped in the car and driven to Mebane. They followed the ambulance from Sheetz to the hospital.

On the way to UNC Hospital, I held Kamren close while one of the male EMTs rubbed him vigorously with warm towels. I remember being worried about him. He was so blue/gray and not moving much. I was glad whenever he let out a little cry.

The EMTs monitored my baby’s little heart and took my blood pressure. One of them tried to put an IV in my hand, which hurt terribly, but then after all that, he was unsuccessful. I was irritated about that. I wish he had just asked me where a good vein was.

Other than that moment of slight annoyance, I think I was pretty much in a daze. Jad said he was feeling really happy everything was okay. He actually videotaped our trip to the hospital.

When we got there, I was rolled to a room. I remember feeling very unsafe on the stretcher and held on very tightly to my baby.

When we got to the room, a nurse took Kamren and put him under a warming lamp. I was given the task of moving from the stretcher to the hospital bed, which was actually very difficult.

I was in a lot of pain, especially in my back and my lower abdomen. It also hurt terribly to get sewn up, even after getting numbed with the huge needle. I don’t think the numbing process even helped. I said “ow” way more than I wanted to. This was the first time I felt myself being sewn up after having a baby.

During this whole experience, I am sure I wanted to cry. I never did, though, until after I was already in the hospital. I don’t remember exactly when it was, but I know it was during a time when it was quiet and Jad, my wonderful husband and hero, was standing next to me.

It was so nice of my mom, brother and sister to come to the hospital to make sure Kamren and I were all right. They stayed for a little while to get some details about the birth and to see the baby.

 After I was put in my recovery room, Jad left for a while. His clothes were all bloody and he wanted to clean the bathroom (and other effected areas) and take a shower.

Jad was in the middle of cleaning vigorously when Casey woke up that morning.  Lisa had a note ready for him saying I had had the baby. She spoke to him about it, and he didn’t believe Kamren was here because in Casey’s mind he was supposed to be born the following Sunday. It took some convincing, but finally he believed Lisa. I am sure he was excited, because when he first met Kamren, and held him, he was totally in love with him. It was so sweet to see them together.

After the adventure I had early Sunday morning, my two days in the hospital were pretty normal. I enjoyed ordering as much hospital food as I wanted (the milkshakes were fabulous); I visited with family; I cuddled and nurtured my little one, who was safe and mostly healthy; and I reflected often on the blessings of the whole experience:

1. Jad was home for the labor. Many of you know that he works out of town three days a week. Had he not been home for the delivery, I don’t know how I would have made the appropriate phone calls, and done all the procedures while holding the baby, especially since I had just had a very traumatic experience.
2. My cousin, Lisa was there. Because she was at my house, we didn’t have to worry about what to do with the children. She was able to take care of them for us, for which we will always be grateful.
3. Casey didn’t wake up when I was screaming. I think he would have been traumatized had he heard me, and even more so had he come to the bathroom and seen anything. Rigel did wake up, but Lisa was able to get to him and calm him down so he didn’t know what had happened.
4. My labor was short. Because it was so short, my pain was also short. I think because of not having an epidural, my recovery has also been much faster this go around.
5. We did not rush to the car. It was a great blessing I was a little indecisive about whether to go to the hospital, or what to do, because if we had rushed, I would have had the baby in the car.
6. I felt birth for the first time. I got an epidural with my other two boys, and though I probably would do so again if I had the choice, I feel blessed that I was able to experience natural childbirth.
7. I don’t remember the pain. I remember how it felt to push him out. I remember the shock and fear of it all. I do not remember how painful it was. I know it was excruciating because of how loud my screams were, but I do not remember feeling the pain.
8. Kamren didn’t fall head first into the toilet. It didn’t make sense that he didn’t go head first since he was delivered head first. I believe that this was not an accident, but divine hands led him safely out.
9. We made it to the hospital. I am so glad the ambulance came so quickly and that Kamren and I were able to be transported safely and healthy enough.
10. Kamren didn’t have any really bad injuries. He did have a large bump on his head from the pressure, very bloodshot eyes from ruptured blood vessels (again from the pressure), bruising on his face, and some jaundice, but he had no broken bones or anything that caused the pediatrician major concern.
11. Jad and I got this new respect and love for each other. We looked at each other with so much love after we made it to the hospital. To me, he was a hero, and to him I was. I love my husband so much and I am so glad that he and I were able to share this miracle together.
12. We will always have a very special memory, one of love, survival and faith. Kamren will always be our miracle.

“God was with you that day,” said my friend, Maria. She was right. I know that, just as I know He is with us every day. It was only refreshed in my mind from that experience. I was in the less than 1% of women who have unplanned home births. Why me? I don’t know, but I will always be grateful.

Mommies, what matters?

A friend of mine asked on Facebook yesterday, "Mommies, what matters?"


She said that one of her friends was told she was a bad mother because her kids wear hand-me-down clothes. Everyone who responded to this post completely disagreed with the thought. I am not surprised we all disagreed, but then I thought about it some more.


First off, I am not planning on judging the person who made this comment. If you think about it, the world in which we live is obsessed with money and having the newest, best stuff. Often our feelings of self-worth are impacted by how we look, what we have, and how much money we make. Kids, especially teenagers, are really bombarded with this false reality. They get teased for how they are dressed, or for really anything about them that isn't defined by their peers as cool. Perhaps that is why this person told this mother she was a bad mother. Who knows?

Teasing is always going to be an issue. It will be hard to stop it. However, I know that we can raise our children in a way that teasing and bullying will not bother them. They will know who they are, how special they are, whose opinions really matter, and what things make a difference in their lives. How do we do this? Well, there are many experts who have their own opinions. I personally use the expertise of the one who created us. I use the scriptures, the word of God.





How should I react when someone treats me badly?


Matthew 5:44 - But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.


Luke 6:35 - But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.


This is something all of us can do, whether we are a child getting teased, a mother being insulted, etc. Praying for someone who has hurt us can bring a lot of peace, for instead of hatred or bitterness or fear, we can feel compassion and mercy. We can feel the love that God has for that person, regardless of behavior.


They think they are better than me because I don't have what they have. Is that true?


Matthew 5:45 -  ...for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.


Acts 10:34 - Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons.


Proverbs 22:2 - The rich and poor meet together: the Lord is the maker of them all.

Regardless of earthly wealth and prestige, each of us is a child of God. He created all of us. God loves everybody unconditionally with a love we cannot even fathom, whether we follow Him or not.


 Is having the best stuff and looking the best really what makes people happy? Is it what we should want? Does it define who we are?


1 Samuel 16:7 - But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

Proverbs 22:1 -A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.

 Matthew 6:19-21 -  Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

1Timothy 6:10 -  For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 -  Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.


The Lord counsels against the love of money, favor, and physical appearance. What matters is the richness of one's soul and heart.


If having lots of money and things aren't important, what is?


1Timothy 6:11 - But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.


Matthew 6:33 -  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.


John 14:6 - Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.


Just as Jesus said in Matthew 6, lay up treasures in Heaven. This life is short. We can't take our money, nice clothes, and fancy electronics with us. Our character, our faith, our love, our knowledge, we can take with us. As we try to be like Jesus and follow His perfect example, we will be blessed. What really matters is outlined beautifully in the beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-12). Any blessing the Lord gives to us is infinitely more valuable than anything we can acquire on earth.


Based on all this, "Mommies, what matters?"

Mosiah 4:14-15 - And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness. But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.

3 John 1:4 - I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

Isaiah 54:13 -  And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live...Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).

My final thought is that only God needs judge if we are good mothers or not. It is not our place to worry about others' choices. We need only worry about ourselves and what we teach our children by word and example.

Mommies, you are doing better than you think you are. God loves you. He is on your side. He is with you. He trusts you with His precious children. May we all follow the word of the Lord as we teach our children in the way they should go.